The Unspoken Words.

Self Hatred

Imagine if you would, a little girl in her room crying. Staring at the mirror on her dresser, asking God why aren't I skinny? Why is my hair so nappy? Why am I so ugly? That little girl was me when I was 11, but if I think closely I can remember acting that way before I even turned 7. Asking God if there's a heaven, is this my hell? It might as well be. When I look at my history I can see that I trick myself into thinking things I shouldn't be. I can remember back in 6th grade when my self hate came from forces outside that weren't that great. Kids are mean when they want to be. When they want to hurt they can easily. Those kids made fun of me and as stupid as it sounds, I believed every word. I know it's absurd but my feelings weren't just hurt they were mauled, bleeding, battered, mamed, the more synonyms I use the more I feel ashamed. I'd go home and feel empty. I could sense my pain ooze from my pores. So I'd just a shower with nothing but hot water. As the searing liquid burns my flesh, I send out a silent prayer for help. My everyday became my living hell. My life is a prison and my room is my cell. But I can happily say I am a fugitive. It's impossible to wake up one day and realize that felling that way is useless, but I did it! I did it! Oh yes I did! I did it! It was a long process back to a place I never even started. Over time my wounds healed and my confidence reached new heights and the love I have for myself has grown over the hate I once had. Today I can say I am FUCKING gorgeous from the naps on my head to the width of my feet. And I have stopped listening to the people who doubt me, the people who say I'm ugly, and the people who hate me. I don't give a damn about what you think or what you do. I don't give a damn about you. Do you hear me Johnson

Do you hear me Worthington

Do you hear me America

Do you hear me World

I'm done. Now when I look in the mirror I say I AM LOVED.