The Unspoken Words.

A Confusion Called Emptiness

Tonight.
I laid beside my husband.
Whom I wish came to me alone.
And sleep not only avoided me.
But laughed in my face.
Running only on the 4 hours of the previous night. 
I escaped.
To a tub full of water just a degree below boiling.
Hoping to burn my self away but never quite willful enough. 
Somehow tubs always felt like my haven and my casket.
I will either be reborn here into my true self or I'll fade. 
You ever feel like you forgot something.
Right there.
Just beneath.
Out of reach. 
Out of mind.
This feeling makes me not breath. 
Makes me confused.
Angry.
But mostly just sorrow filled.
Sure I try my best to cover with nonsensical things.
But when nothing makes sense.
What's the point?
I can see the future you know.
Always have been.
I saw the downfall of me before I was born.
Flashes of falsehoods cloud me though.
So much reality is scaring me.
All I do is cry. 
Always.
You see me as weak.
And to be honest so do I.
I lack will.
Convention.
Persistence.
Mostly though Drive and Direction.
What happens when I can't see anymore.
Is my future still there?