My Twisted Love Story

Chapter Eleven: Confusion

Chapter Eleven: Confusion

I shouted at the top of my lungs. Shit! Why are you ignoring me like this, Miyaka? This hurts so much. Ano bang nagawa kong kasalanan sa'yo? Sabihin mo naman kung anong nagawa kong mali. Hindi 'yung ganito. Para lamang akong isang hangin sa'yo-- nandyan nga pero parang hindi mo naman nakikita.

This hurts so much! Damn!

"Ryuu, you're going to fall. Lumayo ka sa railings ngayon din."

Napalingon ako at nakita kong nakatayo si Margaret sa may pintuan papasok dito sa rooftop. Makikita sa kanyang mga mata ang labis na pag-aalala.

"Pres, tama ka nga ang sakit pala nito."

Sumampa pa ako sa railings at umupo rito. Tinignan ko ang baba. It's funny to think that if you're high, all that under you looks so small and it feels like you can easily crash them completely to pieces with just your bare hands. Napangisi ako ng mapakla. Ganito din ba ang pakiramdam ng mga mas nakakaangat ng estado sa lipunan?

Bullshit!

"Ryuu! Please, bumaba ka na ngayon din." Mahinahong aniya ni pres.

Napangiti ako. Ibang klase, kahit naguguluhan ako sa mga nangyayari sa amin ni Miyaka. Kahit na hindi ko alam ang dahilan kung bakit niya ako unti-unting tinataboy. Kahit na parang malabo na ang daan sa aming relasyon. Pumipintig parin ito. Sinuntok ko ang dibdib ko ng malakas at napakagat ng labi.

Malinaw na malinaw parin ang isinisigaw nito.

Mahal ko si Miyaka. Siya lamang ang unang babaeng nakapasok rito.

Shit. Mahal ko si Miyaka.

Sunod-sunod na sinuntok ko ang aking dibdib sa sakit na aking nararamdaman.

"Ryuu!"

Nagulat ako ng bigla akong yakapin ni pres. Hinila niya ako at sabay kaming nahulog sa sahig ng rooftop. Napadaing ito. Tinignan ko siya at napansin ang paghawak sa kanyang balikat at pagngiwi niya sa sakit. Kaagad akong umalis at inalalayan itong makaupo.

"P-pres. May masakit ba sa'yo?" Nag-aalala kong tanong.

Ngunit nagulat ako ng dumapo ang malutong na sampal galing rito. Napahawak ako sa aking pisngi. What was that? I stare at Margaret who furiously looks at me. Her brows knotted and her big brown eyes were fierce behind those big spectacles.

"What do you think you're doing, you idiot?!" She shouted furiously and wiped the sweat that trickles down the side of her face. "Are you going to do what I think you'll do? Are you about to jump from there, huh, Ryuu?"

Napahugot ako ng hininga. Did I do this? Did I give her the wrong impression? I am not going to jump off from this rooftop, albeit commit suicide. No! Paano na lamang si Miyaka kapag mawawala ako? I can't even think that she'll love another guy. No! I will never let my first love go to waste.

"No, you've thought wrong pres. I am not going to kill my own self. My life's too short to begin with, why ending it?"

Napataas ito ng kilay. "Then, what are you doing here? Looking troubled since I caught a glimpse of you this morning during flag ceremony?"

Napaiwas ako ng tingin. Ganun ba ako kahalata? I'm trying to look okay in front of everyone but Margaret just see me through my facade.

"I.. I just want to unwind. That's all."

I hope she buys it. But her face says the different.

"Oh, really?" aniya saka ngumisi. "You can fool anyone but not me, Ryuu. Kilala na kita since middle school. Remember that time when Shawon bullied you? I saw what you did to him."

Napatingin kaagad ako sa kanya. Paano?

"Oh yes, Ryuu. I was there, hiding in the bush."

"Bakit ngayon mo pa 'yan sinasabi sa akin, Margaret?" Nagtataka kong tanong sa kanya.

Napailing ito at ngumiti ng mapakla. "You're so dense Ryuu. I thought that if I'll wait silently and just watch the person I love everything will be okay but I was wrong. He loves another girl. A girl that has every little thing that I have long for."

"Huh? What are you saying all about?"

Naguguluhan na ako sa direksyon ng aming pag-uusap. Hindi ko na siya maintindihan. Ang talim pa ng kanyang titig sa akin na para bang may nagawa akong malaking kasalanan sa kanya. Just for a second, the mood around us becomes thick and.. awkward.

"I think we should go back to the classroom. They might be looking for us."

Inalalayan ko itong makatayo pero nagulat ako sa kanyang ginawa. I was holding her and she kisses me suddenly. She opened her eyes and intimately stares at me. Napahugot ako ng hininga at biglang uminit ang aking pisngi.

What was that for?

"The man I'm talking is you, Ryuunosuke. I have loved you since the first time I saw what you did to Shawon. Simula noon, hindi ka na mawala sa isipan ko. Palagi akong dinadalaw ng mga ngiti mong nakakatakot. You're creepy devilish smile haunted me. It lasted for a year. I thought, trauma lang ang naramdaman ko noon but when I saw you at the entrance of the school, looking all shy and innocent. You've changed. Naging iba na ang paningin ko sa'yo. Bumibilis ang tibok ng puso ko tuwing nariyan ka. I did my best to hide it from you since where in the same class but one unfortunate day. I saw you standing in the middle of the crowd, confessing proudly to Miyaka. I thought the world is ending. My first love had confessed to his first love, funny right?"

I was stupefied as I try to process all the things that she just confessed to me. A loud crashed on the door followed by a heavy footsteps make me broke my stupor. Napatingin ako rito.

"Ryuu," Margaret called. "I know you love Miyaka and I don't have a chance with you at all. Pero hayaan mo sanang manatili parin ako sa iyong tabi bilang isang kaibigan."

Tumayo ito at pinagpagan ang sarili. Tumingin ito sa akin at yumuko saka dinampian ng munting halik ang aking labi. I was still sitting on the ground just staring at her. She smiled and walked away.

Hinawakan ko ang aking labi habang nakatitig sa likod nito. Shit! Shit! Shit! Mas lalo lamang akong naguguluhan.