Quotes For Healing Broken Hearts [Continuing]

Letter May 1

Dear Justin,

After two months of making cold eye contact with me, walking pass me, and not talking, you talked to me today. I was walking in front of you, my heart racing. You went out of your way to call me out, to talk to me. You walked me to my locker even.

In that moment, I was so shocked that I couldn't utter any meaningful, coherent sentences. One word phrases were all I could say until the end. But despite the shock and ambivalence, in that instant, you instilled hope and happiness in me.

I thought " he must miss me". A thousand thoughts raced through my head after the encounter. " did he break up with her? Is that why he's finally talking to me? "

I had so much hope even though I knew I shouldn't have any hope. I shouldn't have allowed that encounter to make me so happy.

I had so many conflicting feelings. My heart yearned for you. All our memories came flooding back.
I was angry you had the courage to talk to me like that and act like nothing ever happened, act like you never hurt me.
I was sad that things weren't quite the same; I missed us.
I was scared that I would be let down with all of the hope that was developing.

Sure enough, I was let down. The next day, you were behind me again. This time, you made no attempt to talk to me. You were talking to someone else, laughing. I didn't look and I turned my music up really loud to avoid hearing you, so I wasn't sure who you were talking to, but some part of me knows it was probably her.

That very day a couple hours later, I turned at a stoplight and you and her were right there. My heart broke all over again. It didn't matter if you intended to deceive me or not. All I knew was that it felt like another betrayal.

The worst part of it all was that I even considered taking you back if you had asked. If you came back to me, if you told me you still loved me, I would've taken you back in a blink, even faster than I could say that I missed you.

I realize now that even if I were to take you back, things will never be quite the same, especially since you became too intimate with her.

To be completely truthful with you, I felt so much revulsion when I saw you and her in the car because I knew you didn't have tennis practice that day and that your house would be empty at that time. You were coming from the direction of your house. You and her were probably having sex just minutes before that. Her hair looked like a birds nest and you both looked tired in the car, probably because of what you were doing just minutes before.

I never thought I could feel so sick from just seeing you. My stomach tightened and I felt like I was going to throw up, right then and there.

The disappointment, sadness, yearning, and disgust all stuck with me for the rest of the night. Yet again, I've had a sleepless night because of you. I never thought I could be disgusted with you but desire you so badly at the same time.