Dude, I love you

Chapter Twelve

Jack Gilinsky’s POV

JJ didn’t make any attempts to even try to talk to me or give me any hints that he still wanted to be my best friend or even just a friend.  I’m not so good with talking about touchy feely things and JJ knows that so I was expecting that he would at least drop me some hints but he did nothing whatsoever. When my parents dropped in to visit his parents I kept my face glued to my phone but I was trying to gauge his feelings through his body language from the corner of my eye. It was as if he was completely comfortable with us not talking or being friends anymore.

Laura was acting strange after coming downstairs from JJ’s room. I asked what was up and she wouldn’t tell me and even seemed angry at me when we left his house. I assumed JJ told her we weren’t friends anymore but I couldn’t just ask her that because then she would make a big deal out of it if she didn’t know.

I mustered up the gusto to talk to JJ on the Monday after but I couldn’t get him alone, every time I found him he was with Rochelle or that Daniel kid. He wouldn’t even try to notice me after that so I just assumed we were done. Now I just try to avoid him the way he does me. It’s been so hard, I feel heartbroken, almost as if he’s died and I’m stuck visiting his wake, forever. He’s there but he’s not really there.

In gym class two days ago he shot me a glare after him and Justin were in the change room together. Justin told me he confronted JJ about what was going on between me and him and JJ told Justin that he ‘didn’t need me anymore’. I’ve honestly never been more hurt in my entire life. I had to miss school yesterday because I couldn’t handle my emotions and broke down crying periodically throughout the day. I told my parents that I just felt really nauseas and sick, which in a way I was.

I don’t have an appetite or feel motivated to do anything, I mean I know I should eat but the hunger never comes. I do get thirsty however, really thirsty. I had to bring a water bottle with me to school today. It’s almost time for lunch and I do feel slightly hungry for something small, I’ll just grab something from one of the vending machines.

Justin texted me to meet him out back on the bleachers after I grabbed a bag of chips from the vending machine. Jack, Rochelle, Daniel and some girl passed by when I was grabbing the chips. Rochelle and Daniel looked my way but Jack kept his eyes forward. Did he tell them? I don’t feel comfortable with them knowing when it’s a private matter.  Then again I did tell Justin and Chris.

I met up with Justin out back and we stayed there along with a few other people we knew. JJ, Rochelle and her crew came around the corner to sit down but then they saw our group sitting here so they walked to the bleachers on the opposite side of the field.

Justin and Rochelle’s power struggle seems to have created a division among our grade. She has her click and Justin has his. Of course not everyone is involved in it, there are those people who are completely oblivious to both our groups and there are people who intermingle because they have friends on both sides. I’m not a whole fan of Justin and his name calling and arguing and neither am I fond of Rochelle for that same reason. I wonder what JJ thinks of them and I can’t help but steal glances at him whenever Justin starts talking about Rochelle. I can’t look at him too long or else my eyes will begin to water as the pang of heartbreak hits me like a tidal wave to the shore.

When I came to high school I thought that it wouldn’t be anything like how the movies portray it, but I’m starting to believe that high school really is like that. I mean in the upper grades I see the jocks and their posse always getting into cars and leaving the school for lunch break or spares and I see groups of smart kids studying in the library or in the hallways.

All of the upperclassmen had pretty much claimed the school’s courtyard that’s more like and outdoor version of the cafeteria, barely any freshmen are seen there except the kids who have siblings in the upper grades. They are guaranteed spots in one of the clicks that have formed here. My sisters go to a further school because most of their friends went there instead. Me and JJ thought it would be cool if we could make friends here and invite them to chill at one of our houses. Though that reason has lost its sheen since all of this started.