Dude, I love you

Chapter Fourteen

Jack Gilinsky’s POV

After I recovered from the knee to the stomach I tried to chase him, to apologize, but my stomach was too sore and I couldn’t run after him. I couldn’t believe I punched him in the face, I’m not sure what made me do it. I felt him struggling against me, then it started to hurt. Next thing I knew I slugged him in the temple of his forehead.

I searched up and down the streets and then went to the park. I didn’t see him anywhere and thought maybe he went to the school. I checked around the school grounds and then searched under the bleachers. Nothing.

I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t just go back to his house, what if he told them, that would just make everything worse. They would try to get involved and tag team us, me. What if they just stop hanging out because of us? Or even make us switch schools. They’re such good friends, almost like family to each other and then we just go a ruin it, I ruined it. I sent my dad a text telling him that I went home.

Dad: Okay, where’s Johnson? Did you go with him?

Me: No. idk he went to the store I guess. – Delivered. – Read.

Dad: Oh okay, we’ll be heading home in an hour. See U L8ter.

Me: Okay, omg just talk normal. – Delivered.

I tried to sound as normal as possible texting him, but I was freaking out inside. I felt scared, nervous and sick with guilt. I heaved over in the field, dry coughing from this gagging feeling at the back of my throat. I stood up and walked over to the bleachers to sit down and anchor myself. I have goose bumps and the cold air is making my hair stand on end where it breezes through my clothes. With my head in my knees I try to rub my skin to warm up.

What am I going to do? What did I do? Will JJ, Jack tell on me. Even if he doesn’t tell, how is he going to explain the bleeding. When I examined the ground where he fell there were slight traces of blood.  There was even tiny stain marks where he kneed me in the stomach.

My head was swirling with so many if’s and’s and but’s that I couldn’t handle it and broke down crying. I sat there on the bleachers rocking back and forth trying to keep my body heat up in the cold of night and contemplated everything that came to mind.

What did JJ, I mean Jack, mean by he’s ‘the fag, the dead weight’. Was Jack gay? Is that what this was about? He saw himself as my deadweight? I would have never guessed, I thought he liked girls. Does he like me that way? Is that why he distanced himself from me? Why didn’t he just tell me, I wouldn’t have held it against him. I mean I guess I would have been a little weirded out at first but I would still have accepted him, he’s my best friend after all, was.

It’s been half an hour I should try to get home before my parents do. How am I going to face him? Will he even talk to me now? This sinking feeling I have in my chest walking home is like quicksand, the more I struggle the deeper I begin to fall. It’s almost suffocating. I’m outside under the starless night and yet I feel claustrophobic.

My dad texted me asking where I last saw Jack when I was walking back. What do I say?