Chapter Eighteen

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A/N: I should state now that there is a slight trigger warning for this chapter, but don't worry keep reading until the end and read the second author's note.

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Jack Johnson’s POV

Two weeks have gone by since Jack came over and things have been uneventful since then, we haven’t spoken or acknowledged each other and Justin and his friends still act like douchebags. Daniel and Rochelle came over for a surprise visit the weekend after, which left my slightly embarrassed since I was sleeping and they were in my room when I woke up. I had asked them to leave the room while I got dressed and went to wash my face and brush my teeth afterwards because I drooled onto my pillow. Rochelle made a big deal out of it but we ended up laughing about it since she was acting so dramatic.

The snow has begun to stick to the ground and on some days when there’s fog overnight, the trees stay covered in white and it looks so beautiful, but like everything beautiful it begins to fade away with time.

I’m embarrassed to say that my depression has gotten worse, instead of feeling empty like I did before I’ve begun to feel weighed down.  So much in fact that I got to the point where I stole a pencil sharpener from my dad’s office supplies and unscrewed the bolt holding the blade in place. I cut my thumb struggling to free it and the pain was unflattering. I’ve thought about cutting but I’ve never been able to bring myself to put the blade to my skin. I thought of how it would be so much better if I could just sleep eternally or how I could just leave this place all behind and go someplace else, someplace new and start fresh.

I became resolute that I would never cut my skin and instead the blade would act as a kind of totem. It would stand for the fact that I am in control of my life, that I could change my life at any given point for better or for worse. I never understood why people would cut themselves and I still don’t. I don’t see how causing yourself pain would make anything better. I understand it’s for release but I didn’t see how that changed anything about what was causing the pain, anger or sadness people faced when they decided to cut. I knew I should find a different totem, but I couldn’t think of one to use.

It’s Thursday and school just ended. My mom said she was going to pick me up since she doesn’t want me to walk home in the snow. I don’t really see the big deal about it, the snow isn’t deep and the wind isn’t bone rattling. I grabbed my things from the locker and found her waiting in the car a little down the street.

“Hi honey, how was school?” She asks as I get in the front seat.

“Good. How was work?” I ask in response.

“Oh you know.” She answers looking in the mirror fixing something on her lip with her pinky making her ‘applying mascara’ face.

We sat there for a little while before I realized we seemed to be waiting for something.

“Um. Mom? What are we doing?” I say turning to her and tightening my backpack’s strap unnoticeably.

“Oh right. Kathy asked me to pick up Jack when I picked you up today. He left his key at home so he’ll have to use the spare one from our house.” She explains.

“Oh okay.” I say trying to act nonchalantly. Jack and I were both on the same page when it came to our parents. They’re such good friends, almost family and our problems with one another shouldn’t get in the way of that.

I seen Jack moments later leaving the front of the school walking with Justin, checking his phone and looking around. My mom seemed to have noticed him at the same time since she pulled out from behind the other parked cars and drove up near where Jack was walking to. Justin noticed us moving first and just stared me down with a blank expression.  Jack noticed us after my mom honked very lightly and walked towards us waving Justin off.

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