eternally ephemeral [ poetry & prose ]

If It Were The Last Time

Every breath
I take in
I wonder
if the next one's
going to be my last

If it were
the last time
my heart felt
I wonder if
I'd get flashes
of all the regrets
I kept locked inside
not letting
the world know
how it felt to be me

If it were
the last time
I smiled
I wonder
who that person
would be
who'd make me
forget the blues
and instead
show me different hues
and different strokes
of the painting
that is life

If it were
the last time
tears flowed down
to my pillow
I wonder what
I'll be thinking about
and if it was worth
suffocating my screams for

If it were
the last time
I laughed
the rhythm vibrating
off my chest travelling
in the air
the breeze taking it
with itself
to the ears
of my loved ones
grazing their souls
with softness and warmth

And if it were
the last time
I took a breath
I wonder
if I lived my life
the way I needed
to live it
or if the whole time
I pretended
to be someone else
who wasn't me