Survival of the fittest

Chapter 15.

When my dad finally found me after hours of searching for me like some kind of FBI agent, I was completely passed out in the middle of the cold sidewalk, covered in dirt and vomit. My dad lifted me up and carried me in his strong arms all the way to his car and drove both of us back home. I was still passed out throughout the whole car ride and my status didn't change until later the next morning. The horrible pounding pain in my head was driving me insane when I finally was able to open my two eyes and my body felt completely numb. All of the memories from yesterday came back in flashes and all I really wanted to do was go back to the bar and drink away the pain and misery.
Finding out that I only have about 10% chance of surviving my cancer makes me want to scream out loud.
I have honestly tried to stay strong and positive about my disease, but I can't keep lying to myself anymore. Sooner or later I'm going to face my destiny and there is nothing I can do to stop the chaos from breaking out. A knock on my bedroom door broke me out of my thoughts and before I knew it, the door slowly opened and my mom walked into my bedroom.
- Magnus?
Her voice was worried and I could tell that all of this was a lot for her.
She walked up to where I was laying in my bed and sat down beside me.
- How are you feeling? She asked
Instead of giving her the smallest kind of response, I closed my eyes.
I didn't dare to open my mouth and talk because I knew that if I would,
I would probably only start sobbing. Everything that happened yesterday was way too much for me and it feels like I really can't breathe properly. I thought that I would get the chance to live my life for at least one more year, but I'm not sure that I will get that many days anymore. Suddenly everything moves too fast and I just want the damn time to slow down.
- I know that you're going through a hard time right now, but please don't push me or your father away, my mother said with a painful voice
When I didn't give my mother any kind of response this time either, she let out a loud sigh and stood up.
- I'll be downstairs if you need me
When those words left her mouth, she left my bedroom and closed the door extremely carefully behind her.
When I once again was alone, I felt how tears started making their way down my cheeks for what felt like the millionth time since I got the awful news about my brain cancer.
I hate feeling this weak, but I can't help it anymore. Reality has finally hit me hard and made me realise that I can't escape this hell anymore. No chemotherapy or pills will make my chance of surviving any higher.
The horrible pain in my heart made me more exhausted than I thought was humanly possible and before I knew it, I was passed out once again. I was awoken the next time by a pair of long fingers that made their way through my hair. When I opened my eyes, I saw how Alec sat beside me on my bed with a smile on his lips.
- Your mother let me in, he said and his beautiful smile didn't disappear
I didn't dare to open my mouth this time either. I was afraid that I would start sobbing like a maniac and Alec would be disgusted by my weakness.
I turned my face the other way and stared into the wall while trying to keep my miserable life in one piece.
- What's wrong? Alec asked and I could hear on his voice that he was rather worried about my answer
Seconds passed without any words coming from me and I could tell that Alec was carving an answer. He was fumbling with his hands and from time to time, he licked his pink lips.
- If something is bothering you, I want you to know that you truly can talk to me. I care about you, Magnus
Alec's voice sounded broken and I knew that I would destroy between the two us if I didn't say anything.
- You should go, I muttered
- Why? Alec asked with a rather chocked voice and a raised eyebrow
I turned around so I was facing him this time. His eyes were wide and I could tell that he didn't expect me to say something really stupid like that.
- It was wrong to think that the two of us would make it as a real couple. I'm a disappointment, I answered
- Magnus, don't say that. We haven't known each other for that long but I can already say that you're the most amazing person I ever met, Alec said
I sat up in my bed and looked at the beautiful man in front of me. His eyes were filled with fear and I truly hated myself for causing that fear.
- Alexander, I'm going to die, I said and felt a hot tear that suddenly made it way down one of my cheeks
- We're all going to die, Mags. It's the circle of life, Alec answered sadly
- My cancer has gotten worse. I only have about 10% chance to survive
- What? Alec asked
- Yeah, I answered and sighed
- When did you find out about this? Alexander asked and looked at me
- Yesterday at my check up, I said and felt how more tears started to make their way down my cheeks
- Why didn't you call me?
- I was afraid. When my doctor told me about it, I ran away from the hospital and met up with Camille. The two of us spent hours drinking at a crappy bar until I lost her and passed out on the sidewalk, I said
- Magnus, drinking is the worst thing you can do in your condition, Alec answered and I could hear that he was rather angry about my story
- I know, I whispered
Instead of saying anything more, Alec pulled me in for a hug and let me cry against one of his shoulders. We embraced each other for longer than I can remember and when the two of us finally let go, Alec pressed his lips against mine in a passionate kiss that brought butterflies to my stomach. It was our first real kiss and I could swear I could die from happiness as our lips moved in sync.

// TBC \\