Surviving All Out War (BOOK FIVE IN THE SURVIVING THE WALKING DEAD SERIES)

This is War

I didn't sleep, I couldn't sleep. My thoughts were an earworm that never silenced, growing louder every time I started to drift to sleep. When Daryl found out I couldn't choose, he didn't look shocked, just irritated. He said he had to make sure he wasn't gonna lose me... he knew.

Daryl knew I still loved Negan, he hoped it was a plutonic love, but deep down, he knew it was romantic. He came after me to change my mind, he wanted me to pick him, but I couldn't. I couldn't pick anyone. Not right now, at least.

I needed to think, but the voices in my head wouldn't stop. They were Daryl's and Negan's voices. They told me how much they loved me, how much they needed me. I needed them, I loved them, but that's the problem, I wanted both of them.

Daryl was my first love. I hated him when I first met him, but that hatred turned to friendship, and that friendship evolved into love. He was my first kiss. He was there for me when I needed him. He refused to stop looking for me when we first lost the farm, he saved me from the Governor's beatings, he helped me get through Merle's death, he saved me from the Governor when he kidnapped me, he was there for me every waking moment of my recovery, he helped me become the strong woman I am today. He's the father of our Harper Sophia,

     I hated Negan with a passion, but that all changed the night David raped me. That night, he was the only social interaction I wanted until I completely shut down. He took me away, helped me clear my mind and get away from the memories that haunted the Sanctuary. He got me back, under horrible circumstances, and then he manned up when he found out I was pregnant. He took care of me, he made sure I took my vitamins, made sure I ate right. Somewhere in the mess that was my imprisonment, I fell for him, and I fell hard. It wasn't until after I thought Rick and the others turned on me, but I wondered if I was hiding how I felt about him before that.

     Negan was a godsend during my pregnancy... he was a good husband. He was sweet, funny, caring, everything Daryl was... but unlike Daryl, he wasn't loyal in the end. Negan cheated on me, Daryl never did. Daryl refuses to jerk off as it is, he would never cheat on me. That was one of my worries. Would Negan cheat on me again?

     I've forgiven Negan for what he did, but that doesn't stop him from doing it again. But Daryl also had his own flaw. Daryl had anger issues. Anytime we'd argue, he'd disappear or he wouldn't talk to me for the longest time. We'd eventually make up, but the absence that he left behind during those times were torture.

     Negan and Daryl we're equal in their own ways, but all so very different. Negan was outspoken where as Daryl was the quiet type. Negan was a freak who was all for threesomes, Daryl was a freak who wanted me for himself. When it came to sex, they both were fantastic, but Negan was better with his mouth and Daryl was better with his cock. If I could have both, that'd be fantastic, but I know I can't. I needed to make a decision.

     I decided to leave Alexandria the next morning. I needed advice, and right now, there's only one person who will understand what I'm going through. someone who has seen both sides of my love life, someone who will tell me exactly what I need to hear even if I don't wanna hear it. MJ.

The sun was high above Alexandria when I left, and temperatures were already hot and irritable. Maybe I can convince MJ to talk to me while I soak in a hot bath. "Shut your moth before I cut your tongue out!" A loud growl filled my ears. I quickly ducked behind a building, grabbing the hilt of my knife just in case.

"Alright!" A woman's voice argued. "We got to keep moving. They have to be out looking for him by now. I knew that voice.

"Thank you. I-" Another voice spoke up.

"Eugene?" I quietly asked myself. I peered around the corner of the building, my jaw slightly dropped in shock as my eyes landed on Daryl and Rosita alongside a hand bound Eugene.