Turned To Stone

Chapter 4 - Connor

"Do- do they talk?"

"Sort of."

"What does- does th-that mean?"

"They hiss. I can understand them."

"Are they-um, are they helpful?"

"What do you mean?" Connor frowned at Evan.

"Like, uh like-" Evan picked at a spot of moss on the back of his hand. "They- they tell you s-stuff? That seems, uh that seems like it would- would make cheating on s-stuff easy. Not-that-I-think-that's-a-good-idea-I-just-thought-uh-you-know-"

"Yeah. I get it." Connor waved his hand, dismissing the apology. "They'd help, I guess, they just don't pay attention to stuff. Mostly because I have to keep them in here." He poked gently at the beanie, seeming overly careful.

"Wh-why?" Evan asked curiously.

"Because nobody likes me. And nobody likes them but me."

"I-I like- I like you-"

"No you don't." Connor said flatly.

Evan frowned a little. "Yes, I-I do."

Connor just looked up at him. His face was still empty and for the first time in a very, very long time, he found the slightest sense of annoyance that he couldn't turn this boy into stone.

"Why-why are you- you're staring-"

"Yeah." Connor went back to his apple silently.

"Connor, are you terrorizing this poor bo-"

Connor looked up without thinking and felt his heart drop to his stomach when Zoe's face turned an ashen grey. He scrambled to his feet and darted from the cafeteria as fast as he could.

"C-Connor?!" Evan squeaked horrifiedly. He turned to stare at Zoe, stuck leaning against the table with a finger pointed at the spot Connor had been sitting.

Connor made for the first place he could think of. The reptile room in the Biology department was the only place he really felt like he was somewhat safe.

"You really sssshouldn't do that, Connor."

He slid down onto the floor next to the counter, closing his eyes. "Leave me alone, Sylvia."

"Yessss, don't be sssso hard on him, Ssssylvia."

"You know he sssshould think more about what he issss doing, Frank."

"He can't alwayssss help it, you know that. The poor boy."

They kept talking. They were always talking. Connor knew they were a part of him, he knew they were only trying to look out for him but they were so annoying and they were making his head hurt. He just wanted them to be quiet, he wanted them to stop talking so he could think he needed to think and they weren't helping if they only just shut up he'd be able to think-

"Shut up! All of you SHUT UP!"

His snakes went silent.

"We're ssssorry, Connor." Wyvern said quietly after a long pause.

Connor pulled his knees to his chest, trying not to cry. That was even worse, he hated crying and he especially hated crying when he was alone because then he couldn't ignore his snakes.

"I... just want it... to be quiet...." he wiped his eyes uselessly and pulled his beanie off, so at least his snakes could move freely. He felt them curl up into a knot on top of his head. They were probably talking, but he didn't want to even think about it.

Silence. Finally. Not that Connor loved being 'alone' with his thoughts, but it was better than the constant noise hurting his head.

"C-Connor?"

"GO AWAY!"

Connor didn't look up, but he felt heavy footsteps and then a thud.

"Connor-"

"Leave me alone-" Connor's chest began to constrict and he gasped painfully.

"Hey. Hey, Connor- Connor look at- at me come on-"

He lifted his head slowly to look Evan Hansen in the eyes.

"I want- want you to- can you do- you do something f-for me?"

Connor didn't speak. Evan seemed to take this as a yes.

"O-okay- this helps- it helps me when- when I- I have panic attacks."

He managed a tiny nod.

"Okay- uh- find-find five things- five things you see. You-don't-have-to-tell-me-just-find-them."

Connor wiped the tears away again, looking around the room. An open cabinet. A concerned looking snake peering through the glass of a tank. A piece of lettuce on the floor. A shadow passing the doorway. A fly near the window.

"Did you- did you find them?"

He nodded weakly.

"Okay. Four-four things you can t-touch."

His jacket. His beanie, draped across his knee. Wyvern or Melissa, he wasn't sure which one of them, brushing his temple gently. Evan's hand resting over one of his as the gargoyle boy talked quietly. He nodded.

"Three things you- you can hear."

Running water. Footsteps. His snakes moving. Another nod.

"Two things- things you can- can smell."

The general animal smell and then chlorine from the fish tank off to the side. Nod.

"One more thing. One thing you can taste."

Blood. He must have bit his lip. Connor nodded slowly.

"Okay- now- now breathe with m-me."

[A/N as always, tips on writing Evan's stutter/stammer are appreciated]