Lost Without A Map

Chapter 11

August 6th, 2003

        I'm back at my cottage now. I like to call it a cottage because it makes it sound cozy and charming. I am still covered in bandages and I don't know how I will hide them at work. Allie is going to stay with me for a few days to make sure that I am alright by myself. I refused mental health treatment at the hospital.  My manager at the store told me to come back when I was able to. He is so great. 

August 7, 2003

        I must say, it does rather hurt that I haven't heard about my parents even attempting to look for me. It would be horrible if they found me, but it just hurt more to be reassured that they truly don't care. 

I've been having so many nightmares lately. Last night I had a dream that I was with my parents, looking at a new house to move in to. They stayed outside and I went in. It was dusk and the house was set on a solitary open field. I walked to the top of the stairs and looked out the upstairs window. I saw the field full of stakes in the ground. Each stake held the head of a person that I loved and cared about. I even saw some people that I am not close with. Worst of all wasthe stake in front of them all, the one that was drenched in blood and still making a horrific sound

It was my head. 

August 8, 2003

        Will went home today. He said he will be back.

August 9. 2003

        I had another nightmare. I was in a hospital and a nurse came in to check on me. She told me that she had to take my blood pressure and weight , then draw blood again. I agreed. When she inserted the needle into my arm, she turned on a machine and it sucked all the blood out of my body. I felt my soul ripped out and I watched myself in torment on the hospital sheets as my nurse doused me in gasoline and lit a match.

August 10, 2003

I can't sleep. The nightmares are getting worse. I think I need to go to the doctor again.

I haven't heard from Will at all.

Allie went home, so I am by myself. She checks up on me, but I still feel alone. If one hundred people were all trying to talk to me, I would still feel alone.