Lost Without A Map

Chapter 2

June 8th, 2003

I thought everything was going to start looking up for me after we had gotten married. As usual, I was wrong. We had gotten married on a whim and now we were supposed to tell my parents. I knew that I didn't need to tell them but somehow through everything, I still loved them and I wanted them to know. I figured that there wouldn't be anything they could do about it so why not respect them enough to at least tell them. I knew I was going to get hell from them, but at least I would have William with me. I tried to be brave. I tried to hide my obvious, naked fear. "Marise, breathe." William looked at me and nodded as if to tell that he would take care of everything. 

         I walked into my house. Dim lights were on and I heard yelling from the kitchen. Tears formed in my eyes. My parents were already mad. Picture how they'd react to the news I was  about to lay out for them. I stayed close to William's side like a scared puppy, but he didn't seem to mind. When I walked in the kitchen both my parents stopped and looked at me. "WHERE THE HELL WHERE YOU?" My father charged across the room with a raised hand and anger oozing from every pore of his skin. William placed his arm in front of me as a shield. "She was with me, and will stay with me. We got married yesterday." His bluntness shocked me and the looks on my parent's faces made me want to leave right then and there, but William held tightly to my arm. 

     "I can't believe that you think we are going to let you get away with this." My mother walked towards me with her phone. I knew what she was going to do. She'd done it before. They would let me get close to William, but they would find a way to hurt him. Mentally, physically, it didn't matter to them. They did not want me to be happy and they would bring down anyone who tried to make that happen for me.

               My mother and father both looked at me with anger in their eyes and I knew what I had to do. With tears pouring down my face I led William in the next room. "You have to go. I love you, Will. You have to believe me that it is the best for both of us. Someday, we will be together." William looked at me in astonishment. "How could you let them control you like that? Youre going to be 19 in a couple weeks, it's legal for you to move out!" I shook my head. "You don't understand. My parents don't care about the law. They'd kill you. Please, just give me time." William pulled away from me and left. We were both crying and my heart was broken.

June 10th, 2003

So here I am. Those seem like distant memories even though my marriage hadn't happened too long ago. William and I secretly wrote letters to each other for weeks. He was angry at me at first because he didn't understand why I couldn't just leave my parents. I realized that I did need to leave, but I needed to show them that I was leaving for my own good. I planned my whole escape right down to the minute. I was so scared to leave. I didn't sleep for days. I paced my room crying until I had no more tears left. Finally, I wrote a goodbye letter to my parents. I told them that someday, I would come back and see them. I left on June 5th, and that's when I started this diary. 

      I've been on the road for five days now. I had written a letter to William telling him that I was leaving. I told him I would write to him when I reached my destination so that, if he chose to, he could come and be with me. For now, I was alone. All I had was the one back-pack of belongings that I had thrown together at the last minute. A toothbrush, soap, clothes, deoderant, my journal, all my money, and unfortunately all of my self harm blades. 

         I've been walking in the woods and sleeping on the ground for 5 days and I havent showered yet. I think that the next town I find, I will stay at a motel to shower and sleep in for awhile. The dream of taking a steaming hot shower and sleeping in a bed with a pillow makes me so happy!

I will write more when I find a place to stay