Along the road of life

Lost

Chapter 4

Mama got sick for days and no avail, she was admitted to the hospital. She has leptospirosis (infection cause by corkscrew- shaped bacteria called leptospira) which was discovered lately. I got scared cause i don't want lose her.

Her sickness get worst and was taking to emergency immediately.

Unknown to us it was the last day we will ever see her. The surgery wasn't successful and we lost her.

The moment the doctor break the news, i lose it. I couldn't differentiate between black and white. Life was moving slow, i lost track of time and the next thing i know was seeing mama corpse presented to us to pray for her before she's taking to her grave. If i said life was moving slow, now it was like time stopped and there is no more life on this earth. I didn't know who is by my side nor whats happening. After days  i break down and couldn't stop crying. It hurt so much losing your mother, i couldn't think of life without mama. And here i am living in sorrow, depression, lose, fair and can't move on. I lost all the happiness around cause shes the harmony in our life. But i felt more relief after crying, it took me long to accept her death. I believe Allah loves her more than me and insha Allah she is in a happy place. I'll continue  praying for both her and Baba, Ya Allah forgive them both their sins and accept their ibadah Ameen.

"Azeezah, yhu should be patient. We are all going to die, the time will come where we will leave this world forever. Mama is dead and yhu won't see her  again  in this world. All she wants from yhu now is your prayers, pray for her and Baba. She won't want to see yhu grieving her death like this. Have faith in Allah and pray for both our parents." Yaya Saif said to me wiping my tears

None of my friends is around that i can use as a distraction. It has been 2 and a half month after the death. Yaya Yusrah is trying to be strong for me but some changes in her are visible. She's no more that crazy elder sister but book addict. She's always  studying more trying to forget. Yaya Jafar went back to camp while Yaya Saif have left.

Yaya Jafar has completed his NYSC and has returned home. He tried bringing back the happiness that was in it before but failed. I always zoned out so whenever he's talking to me, i zone out. If he tries Yaya Yusrah, she'll beg him to let her rest. It was as if there is no living species in the house anymore.

Today Yaya Jafar walked in our room and touched my arms. "Azeezah, do yhu want to hurt yourself. I have been calling your name for what feels like forever but yhu didn't even heard me" he sigh.
"Sorry, what were saying" i said to him
"What are yhu doing to yourself, mama is never coming back, she will never be back. If yhu think doing this is the best way out then am telling yhu, yhu are wrong. Tell me when was the last time yhu have complete meal. The longest sentence yhu have made after her death is apologizing now. Do yhu think yhu are being fair to yourself and us. Baba's brothers are thinking of getting yhu to stay with them now thinking that we can't take care of our own sister. Is that what yhu want? Tell me, do yhu think we can't take care of yhu?".
" No a.........." He cut me off before i could finish.
"Forget don't answer that but please Azee am begging yhu, try and get out of that shell please" He said
I started crying. "Yaya Jafar am confuse, and it hurt so much that i can't think of anything but her. Mama have die with a little part of me that i failed to insert now. I wish i have more time with her, i wish she'll get to see her grandchildren and reconcile her broken relation with her family. I have so many wishes for yhu Mama but none of them was fulfilled. And i feel like i failed her, am never going to make my wishes true. I always wanted to see her meet her family after years and see the tears of joy she will have. Am so sorry, am sorry Mama"
"Its alright, everything that happens is for the best and Allah knows what's good for her. Just come back, we need our sister back" he said hugging me
Another pairs of hands hugged me sniffing on my shoulder.
"I miss mama so much" Yaya Yusrah said letting me go so did Yaya Jafar did.

"Azee, yhu have a special visitor and am quite positive you'll be happy seeing them" Yaya Jafar shouted.
"You'll scare them if yhu continue shouting like this. " I said rushing to see who it was.
"Khadija, Samie. Oh my God, i missed yhu girls so much" i enthusiastically said hugging them. "We missed yhu too" they replied simultaneously.
"Okay, I'll leave yhu girls alone." Yaya Jafar said walking out.

"Am so sorry for your lost, may Allah grant her jannatul furdaus and ease your grieve for her" Khadija said
"Ameen, thank yhu"
"May Allah forgive and bless her with his noor in her grave"
"Ameen Samie, thank yhu so much"
"Am sorry we weren't there for yhu. I just heard about it last week through Khalid and we have to come back to Nigeria. I tried calling but your phone was switched off" Khadija said
"I even forget i have a phone" i said and giggle lightly.
"Have heard from Teemah?" I asked them
"Yes, she send her condolence. She won't be back to Yola for a while." Samie answered me
"Oh okay".

The next day Khalid came and showed his sympathy  towards my lost. " Am sorry for your lost Azee, may Allah forgive her and grant her jannah"
"Ameen, thanks"
"Don't mention please, when ever yhu need anything just call me okay."
"Oh i will make sure to do that"
"Yhu looked more matured now. Hopefully yhu won't disturb my life"
"Yhu know me, I'll make sure know other girl fall in your trap"
"Oh Azee, i have change tactics now. I make them follow me now. Its vise versa, the girls are always in my tail"
"Yhu never will change, will yhu" i said laughing
"Not now, definitely"

"Are yhu sure yhu don't want to tag along. Its not like yhu lost your husband and have to stay home all the time." Yaya Yusrah said putting on her veil
"Nope, am good home. Maybe another day but not now. Who knows yhu might find a suitor out there but please make sure he's handsome or else yhu won't marry him."
"Yhu are crazy, but i'll keep it in mind "

I search for my phone and found it. But its dead and have to plung it to charge.

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