In The Deep

Chapter 6

That night Clary lied awake in her bed, staring at the ceiling and feeling completely confused and mixed. After a long time she had actually just laughed and even felt light for a while. After a long time she hadn't felt the pressuring ache that she usually always felt in her chest. Wasn't that supposed to be a good thing? Wasn't she supposed to feel stronger and happier now? But she just couldn't stop feeling the ache, maybe she never would.

Clary closed her eyes and let herself think about that night that had changed her life forever. She remembered how she had heard the news and felt horrible despair. She remembered how she had dropped the phone and sat down on the kitchen floor, telling herself it couldn't be true. That it must be a cruel joke. She had no idea how much time had passed, but when Jocelyn came home she had already heard the news too. Someone had reached her cell phone after Clary had dropped the phone on the hard tile floor and after a while kicked it away from her. The whole night after that was blurry to her, she just remembered crying more than ever before. She remembered feeling completely hopeless and desperate, not knowing how her life could go on without her brother. How her mom's life could go on without her son. How could the world even keep going around after that? Clary could still hear his voice when he talked to her and his laughter when she said something stupid. She could see his grin as he teased her and his green eyes focused on her as she talked to him.

Clary sat up quickly, feeling her heart beating fast against her ribs and tears streaming down on her cheeks. She exhaled as she ran her fingers through her hair, trying to control her breathing and telling herself to stop crying. She leaned back down, closing her eyes and feeling the tears fall down on her temples. Stop crying. Just stop. Stop! She told herself, not being able to stop the tears forming in her eyes and falling down.

At some point Clary must've fallen asleep, since she woke up when her alarm went off and got up quickly. She sat on her bed for a while, tangled in the sheets and feeling groggy and definitely not well slept.

Clary walked to the bathroom across the hall and looked at her reflection in the mirror. Her hair was a complete mess, her eyes were red and puffy because of the crying with dark circles under them because of the sleepless nights.

After taking her clothes off, she turned on the shower and stepped under the hot water, letting it relax her tense muscles. The water was a little too hot, but she enjoyed the stinging on her skin, making her feel more awake. She stood under the pouring water for a long time, just letting it fall, before stepping out and drying herself with her towel.

After dressing up, brushing her tangled hair and picking up her bag from the floor, Clary went downstairs. She walked to the kitchen and for her surprise, Jocelyn wasn't there yet. She was probably going later to work today. Clary had already told her mom that she wouldn't come to work today since it was the second last week of school and she had a lot to do before the vacation. She poured herself some orange juice and grabbed an apple from the fruitbasket, sitting down on one of the stools around the table. She thought about last night and felt like something was choking her. She couldn't let herself keep thinking about it like that, or it would drive her crazy. But she felt like she needed to think about her brother, because without him she was going crazy.  Soon Clary realized that she needed to get up now if she still wanted to get to school in time. She didn't, but she had to. Clary got up quickly and picked up her bag, making her way outside.

As Clary walked out to the porch, she spotted Isabelle on the other side of the fense again and smiled slightly. Isabelle smiled at her too and waved, making her way to the fense. Clary took it as a sign that she should go there too, so she walked up to her, feeling a little nervous.

"Hey!" Isabelle said smiling brightly and Clary relaxed a bit, she still wasn't completely comfortable with being social, but Isabelle seemed nice and she always smiled at her. "Clary, right?" She asked and Clary nodded quickly.

"Yeah." She said and smiled too. It felt weird that she had to look up at Isabelle so much. Clary was short, but usually girls weren't this much taller than her. Isabelle was really tall and she seemed to be wearing heels all the time.

"I'm Isabelle, everyone calls me Izzy though." She said shrugging briefly, still smiling.

"Oh, nice to meet you." Clary said, not knowing what else to say exactly.

Isabelle laughed. "You sound so formal."

"Oh, uhm.." Clary mumbled feeling her cheeks heating.

"Relax, I'm not making fun of you. It just sounded funny." Isabelle said still laughing a bit, but her tone was friendly and Clary let out a short laugh too.

"Well, yeah.. I didn't really know what to say." She said bit amused.

"Introducing is always awkward." Isabelle said agreeing and grinned. "You want a ride to school?" She asked and Clary shook her head quickly.

"No." She said and then realized how rude and horrible that sounded. "I mean you don't have to. I'm fine with walking and I feel like you're being too nice to me. I mean I already got a ride from Jace yesterday. I don't wanna treat you like my personal cab drivers." She added and Isabelle burst out in laughter before waving her hand.

"Jeez, you're modest. You have the right to say yes since it was my idea and it's really no problem since we're going to the same place. It would feel weird let you walk. Plus, I don't think you'll make it there in time anymore." She said and Clary bit her lip. "Just come on."  Isabelle added and Clary smiled slightly.

"Thank you." She said and looked down at the fense between them. Then she climbed over it, jumpping down briefly to her feet. She looked up at Isabelle who raised her brows.

"Wow. Did not see that coming." She said grinning and Clary felt her cheeks heating again.

"Didn't feel like going around it." She said shrugging and smiled. Isabelle laughed and Clary felt more comfortable around her. She was surprised how much she actually enjoyed talking to other people. She had been avoiding it so much that she hadn't realized that she actually missed it.

"Wait a sec." Isabelle said and took her phone out of her pocket. Clary watched as she put it against her ear and soon heard someone answering.

"Hurry up, moron!" Isabelle yelled on the phone before hanging up and Clary bit back her laugh.

"Sorry, I don't know why is Alec taking so long. I'm not surprised though." Isabelle said putting her phone back and Clary nodded. She used to know that feeling, she always had to wait for Sebastian. She remembered how frustrated she used to be and smiled a bit at the memory. After a long time she could let herself remember something about him and not feel the horrible ache that felt like it was suffocating her.

"So, what's going on with you and Jace?" Isabelle asked suddenly, snapping Clary out of her thoughts.

"Wha-what? I mean nothing." She said and felt stupid for her reaction.

"Really?" Isabelle asked a little amused and Clary nodded quickly, feeling incredibly awkward.

"Yes, really." She said then, trying to sound convincing. Which felt stupid since there really was nothing going on between them so she shouldn't focus on trying to sound convincing.

"Fine, I believe you. I was just surprised that Jace just talked to you like that." Isabelle said shrugging and Clary raised her brows.

"Why?"

"Well, I guess just because he isn't that social usually. Especially with people he doesn't know." Isabelle said and Clary had to admit that she was surprised, she had definitely thought that Jace seemed like someone who seemed to have the confidence to talk to anyone. Maybe he did, maybe he just didn't want to talk to a lot of people. But why would he talk to her then?

Suddenly Alec stormed out of their front door and scowled at Isabelle. "What the hell, Izzy? Do you really have to shriek like that? I think my left ear is deaf." He said, obviously furstrated, but Isabelle just smiled at him.

"Ready?" She asked and Alec gave her a look before walking past her to the car.