In The Deep

Chapter 16

Clary glanced at Jace who was sitting on her bed, leaning his back against the wall and frowning at his biology book. She was sitting on a chair in front of her desk and had tried her best to focus on studying, but staring at Jace seemed more fascinating. She had thought that this would be her opportunity to really talk to him, but now she just couldn't find the words. It seemed even more hard when she realized she wasn't sure what she wanted to talk about. Nothing happened.

"Clary?" Jace said suddenly.

Clary snapped out of her thoughts quickly and cleared her throat. "Yeah?"

"You're staring at me." Jace said like it was a simple observation and didn't even raise his look from his book.

"I wasn't staring, just looking." Clary pointed out, turning back to her book. She saw Jace looking at her from the corner of her eye and raised her look, meeting his eyes. "What?"

"Is everything alright?" Jace asked and Clary frowned, closing her book.

"Yeah, why?" She asked, not understanding what he was talking about. Jace closed his book too and sat up straighter.

"I don't know, you've just seemed a little weird today. Distracted." He said and Clary wondered if she should just tell him that what exactly was spinning around her mind all the time, but she had no idea how to start explaining it. She just looked down at the cover her of book and tried to find the right words, but then her room door opened and Jocelyn came in.

"Oh, hi." She said to them and smiled.

"Hey." Clary and Jace both mumbled back. Clary couldn't tell was she disappointed or glad that her mother had decided to walk in at that second.

"Sorry if I'm interrupting your studying." Jocelyn said grinning. "I just came and decided to come see if you were home already."

"Yeah, it's fine." Clary just said with a slight smile. "I am. As you can see." She added then, tapping her fingers on the cover of her book as a sign for her mother to leave. She seemed to notice it and just smiled at them before stepping out and closing the door after her. Clary rolled her eyes at her and then opened her book again, focusing on it.

"So?" Jace said, breaking the silence.

Clary raised her look from her book and focused her eyes on his. "What?"

"I don't think our conversation was over." Jace said smiling and sat up straighter, crossing his legs in front of him like a little kid. "I wanna know if something's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong." Clary said immediately, holding the book tightly in her hands.

"Really? You seem a little distressed." Jace observed and Clary shrugged like she had no idea what he was talking about.

"Oh." She only got out. "I guess I'm just nervous for the test tomorrow."

"You're nervous for the test tomorrow?" Jace asked, sounding so amused that he might laugh at any second. "You're a horrible liar, dear."

Clary scowled at him. "I'm not lying."

Jace seemed to study her expression for a while, like he was looking for a sign that she was lying and Clary did her best to look calm.

"Fine." Jace said then with a slight smile and turned back to his book, not looking convinced at all. Clary looked at him for a while, wondering what she could possibly say.

"Jace."

He raised his look to her. "Yeah?"

Clary looked down at her hands and then up at him again. "Thanks for caring, I just-.. Don't wanna talk about it."

Jace just looked at her, obviously understanding and then smiled. "It's okay. As long as you know that you can talk to me if you want to."

Clary smiled too. "I know. Thanks."

They looked at each other for a while, not saying anything. Then Clary focused on her book again and still felt Jace's eyes on her for a while before he turned away too. She still felt like she should say something, but there was no way she could get the words out. She couldn't even think about it properly since she was only now starting to realize it herself. She had feelings for Jace and she couldn't deny it from herself anymore, but she could hide it from everyone else. Including Jace himself. It just had to go away.