poems.

habibi.nasibi.hayati.

I want to call you
cause I always did
just like
playing football
from dawn to night time
I want to talk to you
cause I feel interrupted in
living without you
I can't,
I really can't
tell you what's going on,
but I know,
I really do,
that I need you right now
and I'm sorry
that it hurts,
I'm sorry,
that you're hurt
cause none of this was
one of the things
you deserve
and I hope
that you're still listening
to those playlist we shared
I'm hoping
cause that's what I do

I'm still thinking of
walking, talking next to you,
still laughing

cause for any reason
you're the one crazy human
with the same crazy humor
as me

but I can't tell you this
I know
one time
you asked me for my address
and I wonder,
if you will send me a letter
I wonder,
if this day will ever come,
cause
I really want to read you
and your words

I'm waiting for your poems,
distracting myself,
I'm moving on,
but I can't forget
that you're out there
talking about the city of your dreams,
always saying
how much beauty you feel
around these towers,
but you don't even have a clue
how fucking beautiful you are,
how much beauty I feel
around you

you don't have a clue
how painfully I'd wish
things were different

still using snapchat,
but I ain't able to
picture you anymore
I'd throw away
anything that's left,
if it would help me to
change the future
cause I miss you
and
I want you to miss me too

I know
we've talked about puppies
and a house in spain
for your grandparents
I know
I'm the only girl
who's seriously working on sundays,
but
I just want you to remember some
silly facts,
silly places
just like walking through a graveyard
and blowing dandelions
into your hair
I want you to remember
how much you smiled
just because of me,
to be honest
I want you to
write about it,
write about
how often you think of me
how many times
you want to share a new song,
but aren't allowed to
show it to me,
but please,
show it to me
I want you to write
until it's getting better,
cause I know
I'd have to kiss you,
if you'd come around
and at some place in my heart
I know that you
really, really want me to
come around,
to show up
just the next time
you open the door

that's why I want to call you
I need to know what's going on,
I need to know
how you're doing,
cause I don't know
how I'm doing at myself,
cause I think I can feel that
you're just as broken
as me