Trigger warning
Smut warning
~skip 2 weeks~
It had been two weeks since I started distancing myself from Jake. At first he would come over but I wouldn't really talk to him or do anything. I just didn't want to get to involved. He would still text me but I didn't really respond. I knew I was fucking things up with him really bad but I didn't know what to do. I decided to go and talk to him. I knocked on his door waiting for him. He answered the door looking like he just woke up. "Hi.... can we talk?" I said nervously. "Of course come on in" he said. We sat on his couch. "I just want to start off by saying how sorry I am" I said. "Hey don't be sorry you didn't do anything wrong" he said.
" I let my insecurities get to me and I shut you out because of that I'm such a jerk" I said " you probably don't like me now that you realized how mentally unstable I am"
"I told you this before and I'll say it again I still like you nothing is gonna change that" he said.
"I want to tell you about my past now" I said.
"Ok" he said. I couldn't look him in the eyes I just looked down at my hands.
"Well I grew up with super abusive parents, physically and verbally and I was always judged a lot in school"
"(Y/N)...." he started but I cut him off.
"No please let me finish" he nodded for me to continue. " I've been in this mental state my whole life, but no one ever knew. First it was not like what I saw in the mirror..." I noticed a tear start to roll down my cheek. "Then I let everyone get to me and I started self harming..... after awhile I starved myself. I was getting bad I went to the hospital a few time but my parents never did shit about it. I started eating again. But I started throwing up all my food when the bullying got worse at school. On top of the assholes at school my parents were constantly hitting me and telling me how I was worthless and how I should just kill my self" I said tears freely falling now. I took deep breathe.
" you don't have to continue I understand it's ok"
"I want you to know everything, so I did I wrote the note I planned to do it I planned to kill my self. I looked at myself in the mirror. I stopped myself I tried to hold on until my 18 th birthday and luckily I did. I never stopped self harming, and I would be lying if I said I skip a day of eating every now and then." I couldn't stop crying.
"Thanks for trusting me enough to tell me" he said. I felt stupid at how much I was crying. "Hey it's ok baby girl I'm here now" he said wiping tears off my face. " I thought you might not feel the same if you knew" I said.
" nothing will ever change that" he said kissing my forehead.
"I barely ate the whole time we weren't speaking" I said. I looked up into his eyes how much I missed him. " I missed you so much."
"I missed you too" he said then I leaned over and kissed him. "Ok well I have to go get ready for work but I'll see you later" I said standing up off the couch.
"I just have one question" he said.
"What's that?" I asked.
"Are you still self harming?" He asked. I looked down at my toes and I didn't answer. "Please tell me" he pleaded. I felt another tear roll down my cheek. He grabbed my sleeve and rolled it up revealing my scars and a few fresh cuts from earlier this morning. He pulled me into his chest. "Please promise me you'll stop" he said.
"I can't promise anything, and I know that sounds bad but sometimes cutting is the only way I can fall asleep" I said.
"I'll be there for you anytime you wanna cut just please call me instead." I could see the tears brimming his eyes.
"I promise" I whispered. "I really have to go now" I said leaving the apartment but to be honest I wasn't planning on going to work I was gonna call in.
~time skip~
I couldn't breathe I was sitting on the floor in my kitchen crying. I was getting some water when I started having a panic attack. I got a call from Jake my phone sat next to me on the floor and it was ringing. I just ignored it. Then he started texting me. I was hyperventilating. I thought I was gonna pass out I shakily got up and drank some water then I walked onto my back patio. I was taking some deep breaths when I heard from behind me " Are you ok?" I turned it was Jake.
"Hey, I'm yeah just having a panic attack, you know the fun part of life" I said suprised I could talk."You should've answered me, your not alone anymore." He said.
"It's fine I'm good a calming myself down by now"
"But you don't need to you have me" he said wrapping his arms around my waist. I turned and layed my head in his chest. "Let's go inside" I said. We walked and I lead him into my room and sat on the bed. " Wanna watch something?"he asked no I said crawling into his lap and staring into his eyes. I was now straddling him. I leaned in and kissed him. My hands made their way into his hair. "(Y/N) are you sure about this" he asked.
" I mean if you are do you not want to" I asked worried. (Smut warning if you don't like smut please don't finish the chapter just go read about unicorns and rainbows)
"I do it's just it's your first time" he said
" I know and I want it to be you" I said seductively pushing him back onto his back." Hey it's your first time let me take control" he said rolling us over.
He kissed down my neck I let out a soft moan. He found my sweet spot " Jake " I moaned. Pulled down my shorts revealing my panties. He slowly began to rub me through my underwear. "Jake" I moaned again. He pulled his hand away and making me whimper. He pulled my shirt off I wasn't wearing a bra I tried to cover myself cause I felt insecure. "Don't cover up your beautiful" I reluctantly removed my arms from my chest. I then pulled his shirt off. He had abs. He started kissing his way down my body. He reached my underwear until he reached my underwear. He was kissing my inner thighs then he kissed right where my clit was making me moan like crazy " your so wet (y/n)" he said. Jake slowly started to pull my panties down. Then he pulled off his own basketball shorts bringing his boxers with. He positioned himself at my enterance. He slowly pushed into to me waiting for my signal. I signaled him to go faster he pulled out and slammed into me it hurt a little. But all the pain slowly turned into pleasure. He thrusting in and and out I was a moaning mess. "Daddy" I moaned out. I had no clue where that came from but I didn't really care. I came my walls tightening around his "Fuckkkk" he said before Cumming as well. He pulled out and layed down next to me. "Daddy?" Jake asked.
"I don't really know where that came from" I said. Jake pulled the blanket over the two of us. "It's ok, I didn't mind" I layed my head on his chest and fell asleep.
A/N
Thanks for reading I hope you enjoyed it!! Make sure to vote if you want more. There is some real shit coming up. So be prepared.
