(trigger warning)
Jake has been gone all day and I was having a huge panic attack. I'm not sure what triggered me but now iam sitting on the bathroom floor shakily holding a glass of water. There is blood running down my arm I had relapsed and cut again. I knew Jake would be angery if he found out so I was gonna do my best to hide it. Not gonna lie though it felt good I felt the relief that I use to get from it. Jake would be home soon so I picked myself up off the ground. Cleaned up everything as best as I could and hid the razors. I put on a hoodie and then curled up in bed and took a nap. I was awoken to Jake getting into bed next to me. "Morning sleepy head." He said rapping his arms around me.
"Hi" I said rapping my arms around his neck and kissing his cheek. "Are you hungry?" He asked.
"No I'm sleepy" I said yawning.
" How about you nap while I make some dinner?" He asked.
" Ok" I said but truthfully I wasn't feeling like eating I just wanted to sleep off my panic attack. He got up and left the room. I just went back to sleep. "Princess wake up foods here." He said "instead of cooking I just postmated you some taco bell I know it's your favorite." I sat up sleepily. I noticed my sleeves had pulled up in my sleep. I quickly pulled them down before Jake noticed. " What are you hiding?" He asked. Shit he knew.
" Nothing I'm just kinda cold." I said pulling the covers up a little trying to act cold. "Ok" he said but I could tell he wasn't buying it. He handed me food and then got in bed next to me and began eating. He turned on the tv I tried to take a few bites but I started feeling really sick. I threw the food down on the bed and ran to the bathroom and began throwing up. Jake rushed in behind me. He pulled back my hair and started patting my back. After I was done he flushed the toilet. " You really aren't feeling well are you babe." He said I just shook my head no "Ok why don't we get you into bed." He said picking me up bridal style and carrying me to the bed. He set me down "Come on why don't you take this hoodie off you got some puke on it." He said.
"I dont want to I'm cold" I pouted.
"Baby your gonna have to or your gonna get throw up in the bed. I'll go get you one of my big comfy hoodies to put on." He said leaving the room while he was gone I quickly took off the hoodie and put on a long sleeve shirt to cover my wrists. I sat back down in bed until he returned. "Ok babe seriously whats going on just tell me." He said.
"Nothing I'm just tired." I lied.
"Come on babe I know when your lying." He said trying to grab my arm. I pulled away as quick as I could and crossed my arms and started crying. " Woah babe please I'm not trying to hurt you I'm here to help remember." He soothed I just sat there and cryed. He tried rubbing my back a little bit I didn't respond at all. "Ok I'll give you your space but I wanna talk in a little while." He said getting up and leaving the room I just sat there quietly crying. About a half an hour later I decided to go talk to him. I got up and went into the living room. He was sitting on the couch spaced out. I just straddled his lap and layed my head on his shoulder. He grabbed my arm and pulled back my sleeve but this time I just let him. "Why?" He asked.
" I don't know" I said looking down avoiding eye contact. He started crying "I love you so much and it hurts me so much to see you doing this yourself." He said.
"I love you too" I said beginning to cry as well. We sat there in silence. Until Jake started kissing every cut up my arm. Then he pulled back my other sleeve and did the same. "Please rememberI'm here to help you." He said. I shook my head then kissed him " I love you so much" I said.
" I love you too." He said kissing me again.
A/N:
Ok sorry another some what shortish chapter. But I'm pretty proud of this one and I promise I'll try to update more. As much as possible.
Love,
Your emo bitch 💙
