"Did you listen to the song?"
- Yes.
"What'd you think?"
- It was interesting. Would you like to give me your spin on it?
"No. I would like you to give me yours."
- okay.
He paused. I waited.
- It was originally written by David Bowie.
"hmm."
- Kurt sung it well, put his own twist on it.
He stopped as if carefully deciding what to say.
- I think he was talking to himself.
I smiled and waited for him to continue.
- I think. I think the man had the world. Then he sold it, for something less. The man was a fool. He had his own little world and then like a poor man of ignorance which goes along the lines of
'Who knows?
Not me.'
He sold it for what he thought would be better for himself, but in reality was not. So he lost what he had, and now as an old man staring back at his reflection in the mirror he tells himself 'you died a long time ago.' Going back to how he died because he obliviously sold his world.
I nodded and soaked up what he'd said.
"Well, I sure didn't think you'd get all that from listening to the song."
- It comes with being a shrink. Now what was your take on the song?
"I think almost exactly what you'd just said. Its obvious that he's talking to himself. He's come face to face with the man who sold the world, indicating his words to his reflection. I think he's self reflecting. But I don't think it's the old man who's telling his younger self that he's an ignorant fool, I think it's the young man telling his older self he's a fool."
- How do you get that?
"In the chorus that goes
'Who knows?
Not me.
We've never lost control.
You're face to face,
With the man who sold the world.'
I don't think the man sold the world for something he thought was better.
No.
I think the man tried to control the world, he had the world and tried to control it. By doing this he sold it off, metaphorically. He sold off his world to a state of malificence. But it doesn't matter, says the younger version to the older one. We never lost control. we're still in control, but of what?
- a sad world.
"Yes. Do you often complete your patients sentences?"
- no. You're the only patient.
- Now you tell me, do you think Kurt Cobain tried to control his world?
"No. I think he was foolish. He thought he had control of his life, but he never did. He lost control when he became famous, but continued to think he was in control. You want to know what I think? He ended his life because he realized he lost control of his own life. Of Courtney and Francis. Of his music, how it was being produced and interpreted. And we all know, without control, their is no world."
- how philosophical.
"I'm feeling quite the philosopher today."
- when are you not?
I grinned in response.
- do you think you have control over your life?
"I don't know."
"But I don't care. I will die anyways"
- It seems all our conversations lead to your concept of inevitable death.
"All the conversations you will ever have will only lead to inevitable death."
- How's your mother?
"Fine."
- Your father?
"Fine."
- How are you?
"Fine."
"How are you?"
- Good.
"Good?"
- yes.
- session over, Greyson.
"Oh."
- Nice chat, Greyson-
"My door is always open."
I finished for him. I left before I could hear what he had to say.
