- Greyson, I've been thinking a lot about our last conversation.
"What about it?"
I asked uninterested.
- Well, you will die anyways, correct?
"Unless you're tuck everlasting"
I scoffed.
- Right, right.
He paused to scratch his head and smile.
- But when do you think you'll die?
"I thought I knew when I was going to die. The date didn't work out as planned."
- You mean your attempt didn't work out as planned?
I looked at my nails and started fidgeting with my fingers. I nodded at him.
- So when do you think you'll die?
I shrugged.
"Death likes to take its time, apparently.
I've always been quite the impatient one.
I thought the grim reaper might've needed some assistance."
He looked at me intently.
- Let's change the subject.
"Let's."
- You said you liked to listen to Mudhoney, right? What other types of music and bands do you listen to?
I began to get excited. Music was my favorite thing to talk about. It might be the only thing I'll miss.
"Well, I like grunge, indie and alternative music."
- hmm.
"Like, none of that yuppie pop music the radio spews out. I mean, when comparing it to legends like oh I don't know, Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix, or even the lead singer of Sonic Youth, what's his name? Thurston Maine, Mora..."
- Moore. His name was Thurston Moore.
"Yeah well, when comparing mainstream stuff to the kind of music I listen to, god, I can't even tell you how much of a difference it is. It's like, once you experience actual, good quality music you can't go back to the radio. It's impossible. The mainstream music just won't satisfy you like how music should satisfy you. Well, it makes my ears bleed."
He nods, and folds his hands over his desk.
- You like Kurt Cobain?
"Yeah. Sure I do."
- You, uh, relate to him?
"No."
"Jesus Christ. Not every suicidal person relates to other suicidal people! What kind of shrink are you?"
- I was just asking if you related to him, musically is all.
"No. I don't really relate to him. But, I feel he instead, relates to us. Well, some of us at least."
- How so?
"Have you heard 'All Apologies' and 'The Man Who Sold the World'?"
- I've heard All Apologies. Not the other one, though.
"See, in All Apologies he sings about apologizing for just who he he is. How people want him to write his music, but he doesn't have the right because whoever he is apologizing to is oppressing him. I feel he's not actually apologizing. I think he's being sarcastic. Like, what more do you want from me? You want me to apologize for doing what you've asked from me?
- That's what you think the song means?
I nodded.
"Yep. That's my soul interpretation."
- And how does that relate to us?
"Well, we're always being oppressed. All the time. We're never really free. At least in our beloved country, we can write whatever we want. But what about in other countries? People all over the world have nothing to give, so they gave their apologies. I won't give you my soul. I'll give you an apology, for not giving you what you want."
"You see the irony?"
He stood quiet for a few seconds.
- I do. What about the Man Who Sold the World?
"You're going to have to listen to it, before I dissect the song and give you it's meaning in my own words."
- I will give it a listen. Your session is up, Greyson.
I nodded and slowly eased out of my chair. Just before I left I heard him call.
- Nice chat, Greyson. My door is always open.
