- Greyson?
- Greyson?
- Greyson!
I looked up to see his mouth open.
"Sorry, what?"
- We're already a half hour into your session and you've been zoning out constantly. Something on your mind?
"No."
Except there was something on mind. Or someone. With her short black hair. Most girls at school want their hair long. Not her. She wore it so that it stopped at her shoulders. It was shiny, too. Like an obsidian rock. I bet her hair smelled good. It looked like it smelt good. Does that even make sense? Maybe it smells like app-
- GREYSON!
I jumped up, startled.
"I'm sorry, it's just I'm a bit... preoccupied.
He leaned back in his large leather seat.
- with what?
I shrugged my shoulders, not really wanting to share her existence with him.
- you can tell me, I'm your therapist, if their's anyone you should tell, it should probably be me
I breathed a sigh.
"You know the train tracks? Out by the old church?"
He nodded his head and then motioned for me to go on.
"Well I saw a cigarette there."
- Saw a cigarette down by the tracks?
"Yeah."
- Why were you down there?
"I go there to think sometimes."
I shrugged, as if it were an unimportant detail.
- think about what?
"Thoughts"
"Well anyhow, the cigarette was in between these two long pale fingers. Puffs of smoke surrounding its lit cherry. And I looked up from the long fingers to an arm to a shoulder to a neck to see her face."
- who's face?
I sat back in my seat and closed my eyes, my arms folding behind my head.
"I don't know."
- you don't know her name?
"No."
- have you seen her in school?
"No."
I opened my eyes and leaned forward again.
"I know her eyes."
"They were simple. They were small brown eyes. Color like a Hershey's chocolate bar. Framed by long, dark curly eyelashes. But it wasn't her eyes. It was the look in them. Her eyes connected with mine. It was crazy."
- what's the importance of her eyes to you?
"She had the cigarette in her hand. She couldn't have been more than my age. Maybe even a year less. All the while I stared at her, she smoked her cigarette. Taking it to her pink, chapped lips and inhaling, then exhaling the gray smoke that loomed from her nostrils and from out of her lips. While she was smoking it just like that, it was like...
Have you ever played a staring contest?"
- Yes, my children always ask me to play.
"It was like we were having a staring contest. She wanted to win. She didn't blink, nothing. Just kept staring into my eyes with this challenging front. Like she was daring me to look away. Just with her eyes. Kept putting that cancer stick to her lips and puffing away. "
He nodded.
"By now we'd been staring at each other for a minute. But I didn't notice. I want to say she was like an angel. But she wasn't. She was a normal girl, that happened to be enjoying a light by the tracks. Except, when she was done. When all that was left was the orange filter of the cig, she threw it on the ground, still staring into my eyes. Then, she floated away. Just like that."
- she floated away?
He asked me, his eyebrows raised.
I rolled my eyes and repositioned myself in my seat.
"Well, no. She didn't actually float away, like her feet left the ground. But it felt that way. I don't know how to explain it. Her steps were light and airy. She threw her cigarette butt on the ground, stomped it out and then broke our eye contact and turned around. She turned around and walked."
- Greyson?
He said my name so gently.
"Yes?"
- Now, you're a smart boy, right?
I stared at him.
- Have you been making sure you're taking your medication, twice a day, morning and evening?
My mouth settled into a thin line.
I ground my teeth together and jiggled my leg.
"Yes, I have been."
"I think my session is over."
I ran out the door before he could say anything else.
I'm not crazy.
I did not imagine it.
She was there. She was there.
