Someone shook me.
I thought it was my mother.
I was half a sleep, but I told her to go away.
Until I heard a voice say
- Greyson, pleaaaase.
So I jumped up.
And met her eyes.
My lower lip trembled
And I sucked in her appearence.
"Are you dead?"
I asked her.
It probably wasn't the best thing to ask her, except, I was still sleepy and I hadn't rubbed my eyes yet, and she looked like death.
- No.
Her cheeks were hollowed.
Her eyes were dull and droopy.
Her lips were pale and tinted purple.
She was p a l e.
Her skin was stretched over her bones, looking like it was about to rip.
She wasn't crying.
Her eyes looked like they were no longer capable of crying.
Like they couldn't function.
I've never said a person could be broken.
But oh, Iris.
You're so broken.
And I've never been good at fixing things.
I've always cut myself against the edges along the way.
I was wrong when I said she couldn't cry any longer.
But the sounds that escaped her lips,
they made my heart hurt.
Physically hurt.
Like someone had taken my chest and crumpled it into a ball.
She drew in a breath.
A deep, one as if her life depended on it.
Maybe it did.
And then she released the breath, and fell apart.
She fell a p a r t.
Her limbs snapped,
and her skin crumbled,
and her tears fell.
Until all that was left was a mess of her.
A mess of i r i s.
But I couldn't let her go.
I was trying to hold her together.
Trying to keep the pile of her misery intact, so it wouldn't blow away.
"I'm taking you to the hospital."
She shook her head.
- No.
"Yes. You're dying. You're almost dead."
She frowned.
- I thought I was already there.
I clenched my jaw. Anger swirled up in me.
"You're so selfish."
- The human race is selfish. We were put on this Earth to use everything up, to use each other up. Its in our nature.
"So you're using me?"
- No.
She said simply. She drew in a breath.
- I love you. But that's just as selfish.
My breath hitched. I looked at her.
My god. Then I gasped for air.
"MOM! MOM, CALL THE AMBULENCE!"
She chuckled.
My eyes filled with tears and I bit my lip.
"I love you."
I whispered.
- You didn't have to say it back.
I sighed.
"No, you don't understand. I can't breathe because I love you so much. It physically hurts me, that all I can do is tell you. But I love you. With everything. I l o v e you."
She whimpered and started to cry.
- Why do you love me?
She said between sobs.
"I can't even begin to describe all the reasons I love you. I just want you. You're right. Love is more selfish. No, love is the most selfish emotion of them all. I love you're yellow dress. I love you're short black hair and how you refuse to wear it long. I love your long fingers, and the cigarettes they used to hold. I love how you don't smell like apples, even though I thought you would. I love how you're so natural. How nothing of you is forced."
We were both crying but I continued.
"I love how you blossom in my mind, Iris."
She gripped me tightly.
I could hear sirens in the background.
I kissed her, on her pale lips.
I kissed her shoulders.
Her arms.
Legs.
Face.
Hip bones.
Stomach.
Ribs.
Breasts.
Collar bones.
Neck.
Jaw.
"Iris?"
She hardly answered. Her eyes closed.
But she nodded.
"Open your eyes, Iris."
I could hear the medics running up the stairs.
I hugged her one last time.
And gave a sob.
It fell from my lips, like water from a tap.
I couldn't stop it.
They tore me from her.
Piled her onto a stretcher.
In the mess she was.
There she was.
I r i s.
Why did everyone leave me?
Iris.
I could've helped her.
I could've forced her to eat.
Except, a little voice in my head spoke.
Her death was inevitable.
And so is yours.
But now you no longer have a reason to postpone it.
