New Balance

07.

Omniscient

Icess sat up against her bed with her history 101 and english 101 text books on her lap, her laptop sat beside her as she concentrated on getting the work she missed finished. Her professors were nice enough to create a unique system to help her get her work done at home and be able to receive lecture notes by email.

It was 3:00 in the morning and she had been up ever since Raven left. The only thoughts going through her mind was the disagreement she had with Keraun. She didn't know if she was entitled to feel upset about what happened with him because she caused it. She was so stressed about other things that she lashed out on someone who cared about her. She wasn't able to go to work so her funds were low. At the rate she's going, she won't be able to pay next months rent. She still had to take care of Heaven's hospital expenses and some how manage to buy the necessities.

She didn't know how to keep up this strong independent black woman persona because it felt like everyday she was close to breaking down completely

She wiped the tears that brewed from her eyes, pushing her glasses up as she continued to read the current chapter her professor sent her.

She was in the process of finishing off the chapter when Heaven's sleep apnea monitor started to beep.

She learned how to use it and strapped the attachments to Heaven's feet and hands before she went to sleep. The doctors wanted her to use it to monitor Heaven's heart and to make sure she was breathing correctly when she was sleeping. Being a preemie made her high risk for sleep apnea. The beeping was indicating that she had stopped breathing.

Icees started to panic as she jumped out of bed, grabbing Heaven so frantically that she awoke from her sleep, crying out. Even though she frightened Heaven, she was so happy to hear her cries. It was conformation for her that Heaven wasn't harmed.

The doctors had told her that sometimes the monitors can have a malfunction and mistake a small breath as inadequate . But when she tried to stroke Heaven's head to calm her down she realized she was burning up, she then noticed how drenched her onesie was.

She dialed the first person she could think of, Keraun. She watched the phone ring and ring and ring until she was met with his voicemail, "Keraun, it's me... I know your upset but Heaven has a fever, I think she stopped breathing in her sleep... I'm really scared right now." She cried, covering her mouth. "Please call me back." Her voice cracked as she hung up, calling amber.

"What the fuck you calling me this early for?" She groaned. "What's wrong?" She asked concerned when she heard icess sniffling.

"Can you bring me to the hospital, something's wrong." Icess paced, trying to get heaven on some clothes appropriate for the night weather.

"I'm on my way." Amber jumped out of bed quickly as she grabbed her keys and raced out of the door. Icess dropped her phone once she heard amber hang up.

"Please, God... let my baby be okay." She prayed, looking down at Heaven. She now noticed that with every breath her baby took it was a long pause, her eyes were low and it felt like she was limp in her arms.

Icess quickly threw on some slippers and grabbed one of Heaven's blankets to cover her up in her car seat. She placed her in her car seat, and rushed outside to hop into Amber's car that was surprisingly outside.

The car ride was full of panic and questions from Amber, who was trying to wrap her head around why her best friend was crying. Icess was so focused on Heaven that she couldn't even answer any of Amber's questions. She couldn't shake the feeling of it all being her fault.

If she would've just stopped doing her homework for just one minute and checked on her daughter, she would've known something wasn't right. Why didn't her motherly instinct come into play? Every mother knows when something is wrong with their baby. Why didn't she know? Maybe it was a sign that she wasn't meant to be a mother.

Icess POV

When Amber pulled up in front of the hospital, we both jumped out and headed towards the receptionist, "Excuse me, I need some help... something is wrong with my baby."

The receptionist quickly yelled a code and grabbed Heaven out of my arms, escorting her on a stretcher with doctors around her.

I threw myself into Amber's arms as I cried, I felt like I failed my job as a mother. She had just left the hospital and now we were back to square one. "What happened?" Amber questioned, rubbing my back in circles.

She guided me to the waiting room as I explained what happened from me and Keraun to Heaven's monitor going off. "You gotta be strong girl, you cannot keep blaming yourself for something you didn't know was going to happen. You don't have superpowers and I know for a fact if you knew that was going to happen you would've prevented it. As for Keraun it's none of my business but it sounded like you were being unappreciative." She spoke, as my phone began to ring.

It was my mother, I answered and I was immediately bombarded with her yelling. "Why would you do that to your sister, she's pregnant and you're just stressing her out. I'll be damned if my grand baby come out premature."

"Can you for once just be on my side I'm in the hospital with Heaven and I don't want to argue with you about Ari when you don't even know what happened... I just want your support right now." I pleaded, I just want my mother to embrace me and leave the drama that happened between me and my sister alone.

"Icess I don't fucking care about what the hell is going on with that baby. Leave Ari alone and I mean it, you've always been so jealous of your sister ever since you were little. When my baby calls me crying, saying that she needs me and that you're upsetting her I'm gon-"

"I'm your daughter too and I'm sitting her begging you to be there for me and you just won't let it happen. I'm your daughter too and here I am, needing you to be here for me and you're testing me like I'm scum beneath you. If you're gonna always act like this towards me then I don't need to be around you." I hung up before she could continue her rant. I don't have time for her to belittle me and try to make me feel worse than I already do. If I had to cut tides with my mother to be happy, I'd do it.

The receptionist came back out, causing us to both stand up, "is she okay?" I rubbed my hands together as I waited for her to say something.

She sighed, making my stomach drop, "we have her in the NICU right now and we're monitoring her breathing. The doctor will come out to explain further but for right now I know that she needs a CPAP machine to improve her breathing and they want to do a sleep study on her." I nodded my head listening to everything she was saying. "I can say that she's a strong baby... a fighter and she will get through this mom." She rubbed my shoulder, going back to her station

"Can I go see her now?" I questioned, looking back at her.

"Right now they're watching her closely so when the doctor comes out I'm sure they'll let you in." Amber and I sighed a sigh of relief.

"I told you it was going to be okay you just ne..." I lost track of what she was saying when I saw Keraun running towards us with Raegan on his back.

I couldn't help myself from running towards him and throwing myself against him as I kept repeating 'I'm sorry.' Amber took Reagan away from him, letting Keraun wrap his arms around me as he kissed my forehead.

He couldn't have come at a better time...