New Balance

12.

A week later...

I haven't seen or heard from Keraun ever since I accused him of cheating on me. The night that he left it was like the girls knew something was wrong. Heaven was so fussy because she was so used to sleeping on top of him every night. It was like she knew he wasn't there and I couldn't do anything to take his place. Raegan kept asking for him and asking where he was and why I was crying. Just like Heaven, she didn't sleep at all so they just laid in my arms all night wide awake.

The next morning came, and since Raegan didn't get any sleep, I didn't get her dressed for school because i didn't see a point in her going if she would fall asleep during class. Keraun came later that morning and that was the last time I saw him.

Flashback

I was in the kitchen, making eggs, bacon and waffles for breakfast, while Raegan and Heaven laid in the living room watching tv. My nose was stuffy and I had a raging headache from all the crying I did last night. I felt bad about everything I said and did but I had every right to feel how I felt. What did he expect me to do? To just brush everything Raegan said off and wait for him to call me. I wasn't going to do that, but I know I overstepped my boundaries and I just wanted everything to go back to how it used to be.

BUZZ BUZZ

Once I heard my door bell ring, I felt like my heart dropped to my stomach, I turned the stove off and rushed towards the door, to see Keraun standing there on his phone. He looked at me with this blank expression, and walked pass me towards the  living room

"Daddy, your back." Raegan yelled, jumping into his arms. She wrapped her little arms around his neck, as I awkwardly stood by the door. I looked at Heaven and she was looking straight at Keraun. I watched him to see if he'd pick her up but he didn't. I stood by the door and watched him ignore me and my baby as he had a silent conversation with Raegan.

I didn't like him ignoring my baby because she looked like me in that moment. She was staring at him as if to say "see me, come get me" and he just ignored her. I felt myself getting angry, so I took my daughter and went into my room.

I laid her in my arms, as I sat in front of my laptop that was filled with assignments due. I could hear the little pitter patter of feet coming towards me and looked up to see Raegan in her pajamas with her jacket and hat on. She jumped onto my bed and hopped onto my lap.

"Icey, I leaving, give me kisses." She smiled, grabbing my face and repeated pecking my cheeks. I wrapped my arm around her and kissing her all over her neck, as she giggled. She kissed heaven on her checks before grabbing her hand.

"Heaven you be good to icey, cause if you keep crying then I'm taking all the milk." I smiled, through the unshed tears.

"So your just gonna ignore me." I said, once Raegan ran out of the room to probably play with her dolls. Keraun stood by the doorway, with an emotionless face. After a moment of silence, he walked towards me and tried to grab heaven out of my arms but I turned around.

"If your gonna keep acting like this you can leave." He looked at me like I was stupid and still tried to grab heaven out of my arms. This time, I let him take her. He kissed her on her head and talked to her for a little while and then passed her back to me like it was nothing. He was turning to leave and I just lost it.

"So your leaving me now." I laid heaven down on the bed, and rushed towards him, pushing his back repeatedly. "So what we have is nothing." He still didn't say anything, he just kept walking and by the time he reached Raegan, she was crying. "Leave then. I DON'T NEED YOU!" I yelled causing him to turn around and face me with Raegan in his arms.

"You don't need me?" He questioned with this serious face.

"I don't need you. I can do this by myself...I'm fine by myself. I don't you or anyone." I finally cried out, wiping my face.

"Bet." Was all he said before he turned around and left with Raegan.

End of flashback

I can still remember Raegan crying for me to stop yelling and trying to reach for me but he kept her in his arms. When he left I could see one little tear falling from his eyes and that was it.

He didn't call me, he didn't text me, and I didn't either. I can do this by myself. I had started back going to work and it was tiring but I needed the money. I went to the court house and finally filed for Heaven's father to pay for child support so now I was just waiting for his response.

Getting out of my thoughts, I helped a few customers before clocking out. I couldn't find anyone to babysit Heaven for me so I've been taking her to work with me. When my co workers would go on break or their lunch they would take turns watching her for me, and when it was my turn for my break and lunch it would be my turn.

I walked into the break room and saw my favorite co worker, Salina, rocking heaven.

I clocked out and grabbed her car seat, passing Salina her coat and hat to put on her.

"Was she good?" I asked, watching heaven coo as I strapped her into her car seat.

"Yeah, she was as sweet as she could be. But she spoiled, don't want nobody to put her down." She laughed, squeezing her cheeks.

"Tell everyone I said thank you for watching her." I smiled, throwing her blanket over her car seat and hugging her.

"I will, y'all be careful now." She said, as I waved goodbye.

I carried her car seat towards the bus stop, and waited for a couple of minutes before getting in the warm bus. Once we got a seat, I moved her blanket and saw that she was knocked out. I sighed out of exhaustion, before closing my eyes and taking a little nap.