TEENAGE → SVT

WITHOUT YOU

TRACK 03: WITHOUT YOU

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Seungkwan was typically a boy of unrequited love; he always seemed to be the "boy that every girl needed to be friends with," but not the boy that anyone was interested in romantically. He was convinced that it wasn't his personality that made girls not want to date him, but it was his physical appearance. Sure, he was a little bit chubby, but that didn't mean that he was out of shape- Seungkwan was very much in shape; he, in fact, could climb up a lot of stairs and still breathe normally.

"You know that's not true, Seungkwan," Seungkwan's best friend, Vernon, tried reassuring him. "The girls at this school just suck. We should go to the local watering hole and find some girls for you."

"That's easy for you to say, Mr. I-still-get-those-cliché-love-notes-in-my-locker," Seungkwan rolled his eyes.

"Also, how the hell are girls so interested in you when you say things like "local watering hole"?" Seokmin almost gagged as he quoted Vernon.

Vernon shrugged and went back to eating his food.

"Maybe I should go on a diet," Seungkwan said quietly as he put down his chopsticks.

"Don't do that!" Seokmin picked Seungkwan's chopsticks up and shoved them in his hands. "You need to eat, and you look perfectly fine. Don't go on a diet."

Before Seungkwan could even respond, two girls came over to the table, and Seungkwan recognized them immediately- they were Seokmin's and Vernon's girlfriends. Seungkwan sighed as the two greeted their girls and started talking to them. Seungkwan suddenly felt like the fifth wheel, so he quickly finished whatever food he could possibly stomach and left the table.

It wasn't that Seungkwan didn't try. He was really outgoing, and a lot of girls enjoyed talking to him, yet he was always declined because he was a good friend. Seungkwan didn't mind getting friend-zoned because the friend-zone didn't mean much to him. It just meant that she wasn't the one, but they could still enjoy each other's company. Seungkwan sighed as he went to the rooftop. Maybe he just needed to clear his head.

Seungkwan exhaled when he got to the top of the stairs and before he could open the door to the rooftop, he heard a couple voices coming from the other side of the door. Carefully, he turned the door handle as quietly as he possible could and peeked through the slight crack he made by opening the door. He saw a boy's back facing the door, and when the boy moved, he could see a girl he recognized from his class. She was the girl that sat next to Seungkwan and would talk to him whenever he looked lonely. Seungkwan watched carefully as her face slowly got redder.

"Why did you want to meet up here?" the boy asked.

Seungkwan rolled his eyes. He closed the door abruptly and made sure the door slammed before he left. He walked down the flight of stairs and exhaled yet again when he reached the final step. It honestly felt like everyone around him was getting into relationships and he was just not getting anywhere with his love life.

As he kept walking down the halls of the school, Seungkwan kept his gaze on the ground. He was so focused on the pattern of the floor that he didn't realize that there was someone in front of him. He bumped into the person, apologized without looking up, and continued walking.

"Seungkwan!" the voice said.

Seungkwan looked up and noticed it was Jinri, the girl who sat behind him in class. He waved at her as she walked to him. She walked alongside him as the two wandered aimlessly in the halls.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"It feels like the whole school is dating," Seungkwan said with slight hesitation.

"Tell me about it," Jinri groaned.

"You're looking for someone to date?" Seungkwan asked.

"Not me! I'm trying to play cupid for my friend, but every boy she's interested in is taken," Jinri laughed. "It's just our bad luck that everyone is dating."

"Oh," Seungkwan nodded and looked down at the ground again.

"Why are you so bothered by it, though?" Jinri asked.

Seungkwan didn't want to answer her question mainly because the answer was common sense: Seungkwan just wanted a girlfriend, and that was it. He sighed, and Jinri must've gotten the hint because she looked forward again. She started humming to herself as the two headed towards the school library. Before they could enter the library, Jinri stopped him and led him to the music rooms, which were in the hall opposite to the library. She opened the nearest music room and made Seungkwan sit at the piano before she sat down there herself.

"Why the music room?" Seungkwan was confused.

"We can't talk in the library, duh," Jinri said as she pressed down a key on the piano. "What's wrong?"

"I already told you what was-"

"No, why do you think you can't find a girlfriend?" Jinri cut him off.

Seungkwan gaped at the girl. She turned away from him and started pressing random keys on the piano as Seungkwan struggled to explain his feelings. He could only sigh as she continued pressing the random keys that got more and more grotesque by the second. He pressed her hands into the keys and said, "Please stop."

"Sorry," Jinri pulled her hands away and apologized. "You still need to answer my question, though."

"I know, I know," Seungkwan sighed. "I just don't think that anyone would like me because they think I'm ugly."

"Who said you're ugly?" Jinri exclaimed. "You are beautiful, Boo Seungkwan!"

Seungkwan laughed and said, "Thanks, but then explain to me why I don't have a girlfriend."

Jinri hummed to herself before she said, "It's not your face or your body or your personality, I can tell you that. It's your confidence."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Seungkwan could feel himself start to get angry.

"You lack confidence in yourself. It's not that you aren't boyfriend material, it's just that you keep telling yourself you won't get a girlfriend, which makes you less confident in yourself," Jinri explained.

Seungkwan could only stare at Jinri with his mouth open slightly as she went back to the piano. She started playing out actual tunes, Seungkwan still in shock. He continuously stared at Jinri as he realized that he did need to start being confident.

"I'm going to change," Seungkwan said.

"I told you that it's not your body or face-"

"No, I'm going to change myself to be more confident, and maybe somebody will finally like me back," Seungkwan said with a smile.