December 26th
Guess What Happened,
The rest of the day was pretty uneventful, considering that the single most exciting moment in the janitor's closet. I couldn't stop thinking about Dr. Carter even though I knew it was inappropriate to have such feelings. But I think these feelings are warranted because Dr. Carter is in some way the person that cares for me the most. It used to be my mother, but I don't know how to deal with that situation anymore.
Besides, everything worked out because I didn't really want to go home either. Anyway in this very moment I was happy.
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Things will never be the same. It is the same day yet completely different. As I began writing to tell you how happy I was that I got to stay for a few more days until my mother picked me up. I was confronted with the news that my parents were getting a divorce. Under normal circumstances this wouldn't shock people to the point that they felt like ending their own life but I was never normal.
It started when I was summoned to the front desk saying that someone wanted to speak with me and it was my mother. The conversation was as follows:
Mum: Tamara I know you must be surprised by what Dr. Carter must have told you, but it is true your father and I are not in a good place and –
Me: Mum, it's okay I'm not upset i understand that you guys need some time to sort things out like you always do. I understand and I'm more than happy to stay here for a while longer.
Mum: Tamara no it isn't that, I don't think this is temporary. Your father and I – we're – I –
She was hesitant, becoming increasingly nervous I could hear her breathing heavily. Not knowing how to choose her words.
Mum: - we are getting a divorce. There is no other way to say this and I am so, so sorry that I, that we have to do this to you.
I paused and my vision blurred from the tears that were pooling in my eyes. Then they trickled down my face although on cue. I remained silent, held the confusion and sadness and remained with it nestled in comfortable sleep.
Me: ...
Mum: Tamara, please listen to me, I need to know that you understand we never meant for you-
I woke up from my trance and was confronted with the harshness of her words. Then I erupted.
Me: What? never meant for me to be born? Is that it mum, you and dad were faking it for the past 17 years. Is that why now finally I'm turning 18 in a month and the wait to divorce is finally over. There the burden is nearly off your shoulders, only 4 more weeks, why not just dump her on the healthcare system, they'll know what to do.
I had said all this out of sheer anger. Anger that I had been lied to my whole life, by the people that were meant to shield me from the lies. But I waited for a reply from mum that would reject my claims and tell me that they wanted me and it was not my fault, they were just having their own problems. Reassure me that I meant something to them, the past 17 years were never a facade they were real moments of happiness. But nothing could prepare me for the 12 words that came out of her mouth.
Mum: Tamara, It was all a mistake. I don't know what to say.
Her words, or more the lack thereof, made things more clear to me then they had ever been. I was the mistake.
Me: I'm sorry mum...
And with that I put down the phone and was too blinded to notice the shocked look on the 20 other faces that had now surrounded the desk, looking on with concern about the phone call I had just publicly had.
I ran from the front desk back to my room and I sit here now furiously writing this. I asked myself, was everything a lie?
The time we would sit as a family and watch Scooby Doo. When my dad would impersonate Scooby and Shaggy and my mother and I would laugh relentlessly. Her smile and his joy seemed to me so genuine, so sincere. But was it all fake?
Tears run down my face as I tell you that things will never be the same.
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As I ceased writing, I heard the person in the next bed shift. It was Alex.
I was completely unaware of the fact that I was loudly sobbing and reciting my words as I wrote them. Oblivious of the fact that others still existed.
Alex, opened the curtains stared at me blankly in the face and asked me quite frankly, "Do you want to watch Scooby Doo too?"
I said nothing but she took that as yes and left my curtain open so I could see that the TV in her side of the room was animated with the once familiar Scooby Doo theme song. She sat down on her bed, not speaking another word.
We let the ghouls, faceless phantom and abominable snowman fill our imagination with their ghastly faces. Don't let this confuse you. Yes I was mad and afraid. But nothing right now scared me more than the ghoulish faces of my parents, their pretend claims of love and their false displays of affection.
Yet I sat here in silence with Alex, because she and I both knew that I needed a reaffirmation and a reassurance that my childhood wasn't all lies. That I had even had a childhood. And so I watched Scooby Doo with the realization that all along the animated characters in front of me had a message. It taught us all that the real monsters are humans.
YOU ARE READING
The Diary Of A Chubby Girl
Teen Fiction"The day I was born, stars shot down to earth, planets fell out of alignment, the world stopped revolving and destiny ran for its life." My name is Tamara Eloise Daley but you can call me TED. I like to think that I had this impact on the world, bu...
