Pretend I'm Screaming This

I Never Believed In Love

I always told myself that I never believed in love.

As a child who grew up with divorced parents what was I supposed to think.

I spent my high school life rolling my eyes when my friends claimed it was love,

And even longer telling my little cousin that love didn't exist,

Let alone when you're ten years old.

And its as if you came along just to prove me wrong.

You with your eyes so innocent but daring,

From the second I saw you I knew you would cause me grief.

But now its 1 year, 3 months and 27 days later,

And I didn't think it was this grief you'd give me.

And I always thought the morning after was so tragically beautiful,

A walk home to forget about the night of lust that you'd just abandoned.

And yet the morning after the night I was with you,

I spent every second telling myself that it didn't matter what I wanted,

Because you wouldn't want me to turn around.

But when you asked me why I hadn't,

It sounded like you'd left the door unlocked for me all day.

But darling I've never played with someone's collarbone to dream of waking up buried in it,

I've only ever burnt lines into skin that spell out break me.

Because the reason I don't believe in love is because I've never had my heart broken.

And if I've never felt that, then how am I supposed to appreciate what it goes hand in hand with?

I've drowned my blood in vodka and filled my lungs with smoke,

But not once has anyone taken a knife to my heartstrings.

So when you promised me you could make me feel everything,

I smiled at you and whispered to you that I couldn't feel everything.

And yet, just as promised, you danced with me in a thunderstorm,

And threw me so high I could float amongst the stars and caught me on the way down.

But I guess I took your heart with me and forgot it on the way back,

Because you dropped me on the concrete as if I was the needle you'd used to inject your high.

As if I suddenly became useless and unwanted.

You'd managed to get through the gates and sit on the throne,

So why should you have to ask to take a baseball bat to the crown.

And so I'd like to congratulate you, on being the person to prove love to me,

Because you stained my skin with the ending credits.