Pretend I'm Screaming This

You Were

You were always right

Moonlight smirks and sunrise kisses

You told me I was like a thimble, small but tough

And I could shield you from the needle

Whatever it might be sewing

Yet the snowdrops in the garden are still tinged with red

You were always strong

Purples knuckles but an unscarred face

I always felt safe, when we were walking together at night

But my hair is pulled back not by an elastic band but by your fist

It doesn't really matter because either could snap at any moment

You were never smiling

Only sideways glances with flat lined heartbeat lips

Always closed, unless screaming

About how you hated the way I wore my clothes

How you hated how much time I spent with my friends

How you hated my skin

How you loved me

You who had perfected the exploitation of destruction.

You who calls yourself damaged and so now every fragmented shard of glass poking through my skin

Is art.

Come rip it from my flesh and use it to cut your own throat

Because you always said my words were like daggers but I only ever told you how beautiful you were

In the moonlight.

You probably thought I was lying

You never fell in love with your reflection unless it was disfigured by ripples

Left by our footprints in the stream.

That stream

Where you told me it could wash away pain by just a simple stroll over the pebbled bed

And yet I fear that stream has become an ocean because I'm drowning in salt water

And why am I still choking on your cologne with every lover I lay with?

And maybe that salt water is just from my eyelashes

Blink away the disfiguration that turned you from prince to dragon

After just a couple shots

One for every twirl as you lifted me up.

One for each time you got underneath my top.

Fuck it down the whole bottle because when did you stop?

You were just a smile

Closed mouth sideways smirk

Hiding the blood that's stained your teeth

And you will never hear my breath through the shower curtain