Pretend I'm Screaming This

The Root Of My Bad Habits

I have bad habits.

Like always dropping my clothes on the floor or never putting my cup in the dishwasher.

Some of them are more physical, like peeling my nail varnish off or picking the skin off my lips.

That seems to be people's most hated one.

My best friend used to duct tape my hands together to try and stop me. It never worked.

Sometimes I take long showers, and my mum gets mad at me for wasting water.

I sometimes lead boys on only to break their hearts a few weeks later.

These are all bad habits but they say that all habits have a source.

They say there's a root to every problem but I think these habits are all just apples falling from the same tree.

And if you're wondering what could sprout such horrible things, look down at your hands.

Do you still feel the baby hairs of my forearms on your fingertips.

Or the weight in your palms as you picked me up from the road.

Or the teardrops on your knuckle.

The rips in my tights as you moved your hand up my leg.

They say my most hated habit is picking the skin off my lips but maybe its me trying to rip away the leftover burns of your toxic kiss.

But at the same time I tear every single one placed gently out of love.

Because although there's a hundred sweet nothings left nestled between my lips, your scarlet letter scarred them all.

I waste water in the shower because I still find myself trying to scrape your fingerprints off my skin.

I break hearts of boys because not one of them can make me feel anything after that night because it was March and I was wearing shorts and I don't remember being cold.

And my friends get mad when I'm late but I had to take the long way to avoid the underpass.

All branches of my problems lead back to the same fucking tree root.

Every part of you wrapped itself around me like the veins under my skin was suddenly tree trunks and you had planted yourself in my chest.

And sometimes your spring flowers still blossom through my rib cage, but you don't give off enough oxygen for me to breath.