Lost In Time: A Doctor Who Fanfiction

Chapter 42 - An Apple By Any Other Name

On her more hopeful days she liked to think that things were getting better. The nightmares were ebbing, panic no longer threatened to rise at a moment's separation from the other. Food no longer tasted like ash in her mouth, though she'd had to resort to bribing him to eat a few times. Even the TARDIS seemed lighter, some of the grief and despair that had sunk into the walls finally lifting. 

Things were far from perfect - there were still days where he gripped her hand with desperation if she moved out of sight, nights where she couldn't sleep unless every light in the room was turned on as bright as they would go, afraid of what she would see if she didn't. Times where even the idea of leaving the TARDIS seemed impossible, where loud noises sent both of them flinching and reaching for the other to confirm they were actually there. 

But slowly, ever so slowly, things were getting better. 

Their days were spent quietly together, most often with him tinkering in the console room and her sitting nearby reading aloud from some book she'd found in the library. He'd take her place sometimes, his voice filling the room as they curled up together on a couch in front of the library fireplace as she tried not to fall asleep on him. 

Most of the time, though, they were in the console room, putting off going to bed as long as possible. Oftentimes she ended up falling asleep there on the grating, and found herself either waking up tucked carefully into her bed, or, if they were both having a bad day, nestled on the jump seat in the console room, his sweater tossed over her while he continued working. 

She hadn't slept in the 'Gallifrey Room', as she had dubbed it, since that first night, wanting him to have a private place to go on the rare occasions he did sleep - because he did need it, much as he liked to claim he didn't. 

The circles under his eyes began to shrink as he began sleeping more - though usually only at her insistence, and only in the Gallifrey Room. As far as she was aware, he didn't even go near the hallway his room was in. He avoided it like the plague - and mirrors even more so, having smashed almost all of them on one of his worse days. 

Still, he was sleeping and eating; and grew somewhat more settled the more time passed, though she had yet to see a sign of his signature jacket or any desire to leave the TARDIS. But on her bad days, she could see a spark of his old self come back into his eyes as he stepped up to help her. Bringing her food to eat, insisting she sleep when she tried to stay up all night to avoid the nightmares she knew were waiting for her. He kept watch, waking her up before she fell too deep into the terrors, and always ready with a protective embrace when she woke with a cry. 

She tried to return the favor as much as she could, wanting more than anything to see the constant, agonizing grief fade from his eyes. It was always there, on a good day or bad, and the bad days were far more common. 

Sometimes he wouldn't speak for days, too trapped in his memories and grief to even try. So she would speak for him, filling the room with a soothing, meaningless chatter to remind him where he was and that he was safe until he could come back to her. Other times, something would trigger a flashback and all she could do was wait it out, heart breaking as he alternatively sobbed or raged, unaware of his actual surroundings. 

Those days were bad for them both. 

But eventually there were good days too. Days where she'd make them both mugs of hot chocolate smothered in whipped cream and they'd just sit at the kitchen table and talk about everything and nothing. Days where they'd do nothing but watch Disney movies all day, always coming back to a few favorites - Tangled for her, and Big Hero 6 for him. 

And good nights as well. Nights where both of them slept through the night and found the next day a little easier to handle. Nights where, when neither of them could sleep, they'd lie on the grass in the Gallifrey Room and watch the stars appear in the sky as he pointed out different constellations to her.