I was 14 years old since i met him
I was 15 years old since he became my worst enemy
I was 16 years old since ive known the real him and be close to him
I was 17 years old since i started liking him
I was 18 years old since i fell hard for him
And when i became 19 years old, i knew this is the time, time to tell what i feel but you also said you had something to tell to. My heart beats fast. I was excited. I smiled genuinely at him.
"anong sasabihin mo?" tanong ko habang nakangiti. He smiled firmly. Yung totoo niyang ngiti ang nakita ko.
" I like your bestfriend " he said proudly and happily. My smile disappeared. Naiiyak ako. All along you've been liking my bestfriend. Bakit ang tanga ko at hindi ko yon nakita? Siguro sa sobrang pagmamahal ko sayo kahit alam kong may mahal kang iba ay binalewala ko kasi baka, baka may pag asa. I smiled weakly. I want to cry but you're so happy.
" eh ikaw? Ano yung sasabihin mo? " he asked.
" ah w-wala . Kalimutan mo na yon. " God knows how i tried not to tremble and cry.
Weeks past by, and i found out that he was courting my bestfriend.
My bestfriend knew my feelings towards him , but she still betrayed me. I cant complain i know. Im not his girlfriend so i dont have the right to be mad at her but i cant control my emotions.
I became cold towards them. I need to be cold so the pain will be lessen.
"iniiwasan mo ba ako?" mapanuring tanong niya.
"Why would I ? " pagbabalik ko ng tanong ng hindi siya tinitignan.
"You became cold. Hindi ako sanay. " he said weakly. Pati ako nahihirapan kapag ganyan siya pero kailangan kong maging matatag. Tumitig ako sa nanghihinang mata niya. I want to cry but also have to do something for myself. Kung ang pag iwas sakanya, sakanila ang makakabuti at makakapangwala ng sakit ay gagawin ko,at pipilitin kong maging masaya para sakanila.
"Pwes sanayin mo." matabang kong saad saka na naglakad ng matulin palayo sakanya. Kasabay ng pagtalikod ko ay ang pagpatak ng mga luha ko.
'Im sorry. But i have to do this. Para sayo at para sakin. Mahal na mahal kita eh,at kailangan kong gumawa ng paraan para mawala yung pagmamahal na yon.'
I was 20 years old since i flied to New York.
I was 22 years old since i grew my own business.
I was 25 years old since i received a letter. A letter from you telling me that youre getting married.
Nagkamali ako, hindi nawala yung pagmamahal at sakit na naramdaman ko dahil sayo. And now? Ikakasal kana, is this the time for me to let you go? Well if it is , then im willing to set you free, but I also have to make something for my feelings.
Bumalik ako ng pilipinas. Pumunta ako sa kasal niyo and there i saw you, youre so happy. I saw it in your eyes that youre already contented with your life and im happy for you, but i cant stop my tears from falling. Mukhang eto na nga talaga ang panahon para sabihin ko sayo ang totoong nararamdaman ko.
(Nang nasa reception)
I was about to leave since you we're so busy yet you run towards me.
"Lalo kang gumanda. Ay by the way, thankyou for coming. " He said while looking at me straight then hugged me tight. Niyakap kita pabalik dahil alam kong ito na ang pinakahuli, hindi ko narin napigilan ang mga luha kong kanina ko pa pinipigilan.
Nang kumalas siya ay agad siyang nagtaka. Tinignan ko ang gilid gilid at napansing malayo ang mga tao samin. Eto na nga talaga.
" While im talking, please wag ka munang sumingit dahil mahalaga ang sasabihin ko. " i said seriously. Natahimik siya at wala sa sariling tumango. I let a heavy sigh.
" I- I love you, i think since day one. Naalala mo yung dapat kong sasabihin sayo? " napatigil ako sa pagsasalita dahil nanginginig na ang boses ko at tuloy tuloy ang paglabas ng luha ko.
" I fell for you deeply everyday. Nang dapat aamin na ako sayo non ay bigla mong sinabing gusto mo siya. Nasaktan ako kasi mahal kita eh. Umasa ako nung una kasi baka, baka mapansin moko. Baka mapansin mo yung taong laging nanjan para sayo. Pero hindi pala, nagkamali ako. Kaya naisipan kong mangibang bansa, to move on. Pero nagkamali nanaman ako. Kasi sa araw araw na nandoon ako ay ikaw lang ang laging nasa isip ko. Akala ko mawawala yung pagmamahal ko sayo pero hindi eh, lalo pang lumalim ng lumalim hanggang sa hindi na ako makaahon. Pero eto, dumalo ako sa kasal mo. Nakita ko kung gaano kanya totoong napapasaya. Ang sakit eh. Ang sakit, pero wala akong magawa. Kasi mahal mo siya eh, samantalang ako mahal ka. Pero wag kang mag alala, kaya ko naman to eh. Kaya ko. Alagaan mo siya ah? Lagi kayong mag iingat. Minahal,Minamahal at Mamahalin parin kita. Salamat sa lahat atsaka para malaman mo, may sakit ako. Brain tumor kaya ako umalis ng pilipinas para magpagamot narin, pero wala eh. Oras kona talaga. Bsta tandaan mo, lagi lang akong nandito nakabantay at gagabay sainyo." saad ko habang umiiyak at nakatitig sakanya. He's also crying and frustrated. I hugged him tight so is he.
"B-Bakit ngayon mo lang sinabi?" garalgal niyang tanong habang nakayakap sakin. I smiled weakly.
"Coz when you said that you like her, i saw the real happiness in your eyes. At alam kong iiwan din kita kung sakaling ako man ang pinili mo noon. Mas okay nang ganito." i said.
Wala nang umimik saamin. Matagal pa bago niya kinalas ang pagkakayakap sakin. Inayos ko ang mukha ko at ngumiti sakanya.
"Goodbye " i said. Nang hindi siya umimik ay tumalikod na ako at mabilis na naglakad palayo sakanya.
That was the very last I saw you, happy and also sad. I love you. I love you Andrei.
