💙🌊I Speak in Poetry🌊💙

Jupiter's Red Spot Will Disappear, But I Won't

Dear Jupiter,

I knew that what I felt for you would ruin me 

the moment you started being my friend. 

I was being manipulated 

and I didn't even know it.

I loved you

I loved all of you.

And I hoped and kept trying to be loved back.

To feel like somehow, 

the universe was saying that I was meant for you, and you for me.

And this went on for two years.

It grew.

It reached out to every inch of my being and consumed me. 

I did everything for you. I did things I never would've just to be around you. 

Just to see you smile. 

I just wanted you to be happy. 

I just wanted to be loved back.

And it was hell.

I baited for your calls and messages.

 I tried to understand you. 

I put my heart out there.

And you saw it.

And promptly twisted it.

Wore it like a badge,

flaunted it at me,

and kept it until you tired of me.

Because to you I was great. 

I was useful.

But not good. Not good enough. Not who you wanted.

Yet I was everything you needed.

SO much so that you took my traits

And made them you're own

You began talking 

and laughing 

just like me.

Joking and teasing 

just like me.

You took me 

and I want me back!

I lost that all consuming love for you

But I will never forget it,

any of it.

Oh the shit I put up with

The shit I did for you

The hoops I jumped through just to hang out with you

The hours of fucking anticipation waiting for you to reply to me

To want me

"Wouldn't we make a great couple?"

"Will you be loyal to me?"

You asked with no intention of respecting my answer

And I figured you out...

But I was in too deep 

to actually do anything about it

You loved to tease me

And pitiful as it is 

I stuck around

I was so busy trying to find you happiness and content

That I forgot myself in the process

I was putty for you

I made myself look so 

fucking 

STUPID.

So

Fucking

Stupid...

I just wanted to be loved, Jupiter.

I just wanted to be loved back.

And you could've ended it all with a few words

and I would leave

But you kept me around

You were hyper aware of me

You knew

You fucking knew

And you didn't do anything

You used me for your own gain 

and I?

Hate myself 

for letting me get lost 

in a boy who was lost himself

I refuse to even fucking cry over you

And why does this matter?

Even if I'm over you?

Maybe because

I can't trust anyone,

I still feel cold inside...

I can't even have a decent conversation with a guy 

without thinking he's trying to hurt me

Fuck you, Jupiter.

You were never my friend,

And I was all that and more to you.

All that and more.