Prayers of the damned

Whoever is up there

To whoever is up there, the higher power I hope exists.

I need help. I've mostly been trying to do this on my own. Carry this weight from all of these things. And I'm getting tired of being weighed down. Please take all of this and do with it what you will so I have the strength to do what I can. Please help me let this person go. He has decided that's what he will do, so I can't continue to carry him with me. Please take him from me. Please take his presence out of my mind. Out of my heart. Please help me to wish him every happiness. And let it be at that. Please no more of the wishing he'd come back. No more wishing he would be the person who cared about me so deeply that he couldn't see me in pain. No more hoping for someone who clearly isn't there anymore. Someone who doesn't exist anymore. Please help me to stop seeing him as this wonderful person who was everything I wanted until he decided he didn't want to be my person anymore. Please help me to stop wanting him. Please help me to move on like he is. Please help me to stop thinking about the fact that he has someone else now. That I'm no longer needed. Please help me to stop thinking about the fact that I'm nothing to him again. I'll do my part in it, I swear. But I need help. His memory is too heavy. And I don't know how to put him down. I don't know how he did it. I don't know how he doesn't care anymore. How he has moved on. I thought that I meant the same to him as he did to me. But I didn't. And please help me accept that. Please help me be okay with that. And please, help him. Help him to figure out his life. Please help him to feel okay. Please help him to be able to stop carrying the world on his shoulders. He's strong, but he needs help. Please help him. Please help me to not hurt anymore. Please help me let him go. Please help me to be like him. To be able to not care like he doesn't. To be able to move on like he is. To not think of him like he doesn't think of me. Please help me to erase his pictures and let him go like he has. Please help me to stop being his like he stopped being mine. Please help me to stop praying for his peace of mind. Praying for him to be my person again. Please help me to let him go like he has. Please help me to stop staying awake thinking about who he is losing sleep for. Who he is talking to. Like he has stopped thinking about me. Please help me to feel nothing for him like he feels nothing for me. Please rewire my heart to stop calling his name like his has stopped calling mine. Please help my heart to return to me instead of living on his dresser hoping to be picked up again and cared for. Because his has left me and is being given to someone else. Please. Just please

Please help me to not be bothered by my family. Please help them to see that what they do is taking a toll on me. Please Help them see the way my hands shake from anxiety when they talk about each other. Please help them to see that I can't be there for them while they fight about each other.

Please help me hold my heart close. Because it's had a rough go of it. Please help me take it back from the people who no longer want it. Please help me to hold it and guard it like I used to. Please seal me off from everyone. Please help me build walls with barbed wire so no one can climb it. Please whoever is listening. Help me let these people go. Please help me to stop wishing for them to care and love me. I do love me. And I know I deserve people to care and love me. I just can't seem to understand why these people think I don't deserve that. That I deserve the opposite. Whoever is up there please listen. Because I can't stop shaking. I can't stop wanting to cut myself open. I can't keep smiling for everyone. Please help me to stop being a burden to people. Please help me