Prayers of the damned

Please god

Please god, whoever you are, please help me. I'm ready to let him go. Please help me to let him go. I don't want to hurt anymore. It's like on that stupid movie Bruce almighty or whatever. With Jim Carrey. Jennifer Anniston is laying on her bed crying that she wants to let him go. That she doesn't want to hurt anymore. She's begging and pleading. That's me. Please if I only get one prayer that gets answered let it be this one. I prayed for my dad to get to the house in time for me to not bleed out. And he did. And I don't know if that was you and I already got my one prayer. But if I could go back i think I'd rather bleed out. Life is too stupid. You work so hard to be happy and. Happiness should just be easy. I know I'd tell him that you can't have happiness without sadness. Nor light without dark. But I'm drowning in darkness and it's started to deep inside my veins again. Every time I check my phone and he's not there apologizing for treating me this way. Every time I pick up a knife and run it over my arms. Every time I push down on my scars to remind me of the pain of slicing skin. My heart grows darker and darker. And I'm trying not to let the black water drown it while it's locked in my chest cavity. But you made me spaces in between my ribs and it's not making it any easier to protect. You made me to withstand physical pain. But why is it that you only give me emotional pain. Why fill me with hope that someone will love me and care about me. Why fill me with hope that it was him when it wasn't. Why give me someone who doesn't care if I'm upset or hurting. But make me still whole heartedly love them. Why give me someone who can see me in pain and doesn't want to come rushing to my side. But I feel that for him. What is this supposed to do for me. Why give me hope time after time that I say something that it will bring some kind of care back into him. Just please. Take him away. He doesn't love me. He doesn't care. He has someone else. Just take him out of my heart. Because I swear I only keep it afloat so that he doesn't drown in there. But the person I'm holding on to isn't him anymore. He has someone else. He doesn't care if I'm hurting. He doesn't care if I'm in pain. He can see it. He can hear it. And it doesn't make him feel anything. Just please take him away. Please help me let him go