Prayers of the damned

God please help me

I'm obviously not religious. But in times like these it's hard not to turn to something like god. So here it goes
God please help me. Please help me to change. Please tell me what I have to do to not see myself this way. Please help me to get better. Please help me to be different. I feel different. I feel completely different than I did 8 months ago. I'm trying to change. I'm trying to listen. And understand. I'm trying to be more open to what people have to say. I'm trying to show people what they mean to me. I'm trying to pay more attention to what people do for me and appreciate it. I'm trying to be better but I fucking such at it. It's like I take one step forward and 15 back. I think I'm doing well and I go and fuck it up again. I don't want to be like this. I want to be good. I want to bring light to people. I want to to bring light to myself. I want to be good enough. I want to help the people I love not bring them down with me. I want to hold people up not drag them down. I want to change. And I'm trying to. But I need help. God I pray for you to look after him. I'm finally starting to see what I meant to him and I know his next few months will not be easy. God please watch over him. My angel in disguise. My world. Please take care of him. Please bring him only good people. Please bring him only good fortune. Please give him what he strives for. Please help him when he needs it. Please be kind to him. I love him with all of my heart. Please be gentile with him.