Prayers of the damned

The damned

It's funny how we label ourselves as these things. Without any way of knowing how other people view us. I hardly think people look at me and think damned. I guess tonight, as I some my last cigarette, hoping for restful sleep that I know I won't get, I pray for my person. The one who won't leave. Like everyone eventually has to. I pray that he likes my singing. That he'll put on movies because he knows I'll sing along to them. I hope he asks to go on car rides to put on music and hear me sing them and act stupid. I hope he listens while I take a shower and smiles because he married a dorky girl. I pray he'll put on music and dance with me, holding me close to him. I pray he understands when I don't want music on, because the world is getting too heavy and music makes it heavier. I pray he laughs when I get drunk and I tell him I'm heavy and carries me to bed to sleep it off. I pray he understands when I can't take our kids to school because I can't get out of bed. I pray he gets it when I haven't showered or washed my hair. And I pray I don't become a burden. I pray I don't get irritating or annoying when I just want to be near him because he makes the world more peaceful. I pray he understands when my light fades, because we both know it does. And I pray I don't get annoying when I have too much energy and can't seem to control it. I pray he doesn't think I'm a terrible person because I have my moments when I act like one. I pray he doesn't think I'm bitching when I try to tell him when something is bothering me, and I pray he understands when I get jealous or self hating. I pray he loves the good and the bad in me. I pray he holds me when it gets bad. Because it does. And I pray he can tell me things. He can confide in me. I pray that he lets me carry the world worth him when it gets too heavy for him. I pray he doesn't see me as broken glass when he needs help. I pray he lets me be his strength when he has none. I pray he doesn't see my scars and think of me as damaged. Whoever is listening, if anyone is, please bring him to me soon. Because the nights are getting longer and I just want someone to be able to talk to about it. Please don't let him think I'm a burden. Please let him know I'm thinking about him and I can't wait to meet him. That I long for him and the life we will have. I pray that somewhere there is someone who will look at me like I'm everything. I pray someone out there will be there for me and let me be there for them. Please help me to be a whole person for them. Please teach me how to be okay. Just please help me to be the right person for someone. Please help me to be good enough. To be too good to walk away from. For once make me be the person who is worth it. The fighting and the late nights and the crying. Fuck the crying. Please help him not be scared off by my tears. Heaven freaking knows there will be many. For movies and songs and people and the world in general. Please just help me