Just Do It (TannerBraungardtxDylanMitchell)

13: Kayaking & A Sunset

Morning came. Sunlight filtered through the pale curtains and turned Tanner's eyelids a bright red. He shoved his face in a pillow and groaned at the sharp pain in his stomach. Pulsating, throbbing. It burned and Tanner couldn't find the motivation to wake up. This trip was too much.

"I don't wanna go kayaking." He mumbled, rolling into Dylan.

Dylan brought the blankets up over him and wrapped his arms around the skinny waist of his boyfriend. Tanner smiled sleepily. Dylan found it so freaking cute. He hid his face in the back of his neck to conceal the forming blush.

Not wanting to worry his family, Tanner faked a headache in order to stay in bed and begged Dylan to stay with him. He appreciated the silence of the room after they'd left. Until he began thinking. About everything.

He thought about what he almost said, back at the waterfall. He thought about why it didn't want to come out. It was the perfect moment and truly it was how he felt. He had always felt that way about Dylan. They used to say it every day. Now, Tanner couldn't remember the last time he heard those three words from Dylan's lips. Or his own.

He knew deep down that, even years ago, when he said it, he had always meant it then the way he did now. The exact same way. He also knew that's not how Dylan took it (to whom it meant something different, something platonic) and he meant it completely differently when he said it.

Tanner knew it was too soon. How long had they even been together? A month? Less than a month? He shook his head, annoyed he couldn't remember. He tried to change the subject in his head a but it only got worse.

The guilt came back when he realized they had less than a month left together. Time would fly once they arrived back in boring ol' Kansas. It would feel like only days before he'd leave for California. For a split second, Tanner considered not even going. He desperately wanted to be with Dylan and didn't want to risk everything- their relationship, both romantic and otherwise. But he more than desperately needed the help he was so close to getting. He held onto the cliche idea that if they were truly meant to be, things would work out. The cliche somewhat helped. He also held onto the hope that they'd always at least be friends, even if they weren't together.

"I can practically hear you thinking so hard from here." Dylan's sleepy voice broke the silence.

"It's nothing."

Dylan sighed. He knew something was wrong and it stung a bit that Tanner didn't want to confide in him. Tanner always trusted him. In order to move on from the sting, the brunette brought up a new topic.

"Tanner? How did you...how'd you know that you like guys? How were you able to just accept it?"

The blonde laughed out loud. "I don't like guys. I'm Dylan-sexual. And dude, I grew up with a gay brother."

The brunette sighed again. Jealous. Growing up, the topic was considered taboo in his family. No one was open about sexuality or anything. He never questioned his own sexuality before. He was raised with the idea that he had to marry a woman and have children. The thought of being with a boy never occurred to him. Until that kiss. Being gay, or whatever was never an option in his house. Tanner was lucky.

"I remember the day my mom sat Taylor and I down and told us that Tristan was gay and that his sexuality changed nothing. We still loved him. And I remember this feeling I had that I wasn't normal inside went away, and I was able to accept that I wasn't meant to be normal."

Dylan didn't know how to reply. He'd never get to feel what Tanner did. He'd never know what that's like- what acceptance is like.

"Baby, are you still....questioning us?"