Just Do It (TannerBraungardtxDylanMitchell)

16: Reliving The Moment

"This place is amazing."

California isn't home.

"I'm happy for you."

I don't think I can do this.

They were lying to each other. Tanner hated California. Dylan hated that they were apart. Why were they lying? Tanner was trying so hard to be okay and Dylan wanted him to be happy above all else. Maybe they figured it was easier than facing the truth.

California was crowded, and hot. Their rental house was nice with a pool and everything, but the neighbors made living there hell. Tanner was getting help, gradually figuring out what was wrong with him. Except the big city living made him anxiety ridden and he was homesick. He missed his dogs, his bed, everything. Especially Dylan.

Kansas was beyond boring. Tanner was the only one that made it fun. Dylan and Quentin didn't know what to do without him. Dylan hated waking and remembering all over again that his best friend was over a thousand miles away.

But they put on facades.

Everyday when they Facetimed, they smiled and acted as if it was all okay. Tanner told Dylan all about his new friends he had made and the insane shenanigans they got up too, all the fun they had. (When Tanner was with them, he almost felt okay) He didn't tell Dylan of the panic attack he had when they were stuck in traffic or the way his stomach hurt more than ever. Dylan pretended to be happy his boyfriend had great new friends and was fitting in. He also pretended he didn't feel so alone he couldn't get out of bed most days.

He didn't tell him he thought it would be easier if they just called it quits.

Quentin tried to keep him busy. They went to the movies a lot and played hours upon hours of video games. Dylan was grateful for the distraction. It helped him get through the long days. And honestly, Quentin was worried. Dylan was obviously depressed. He didn't think Tanner leaving would affect him so much. But he didn't know of the bond the brunette and blonde shared and he'd never even begin to understand. Still, he tried everyday.

"So, Dylan....Why are you acting like this?"

Dylan rolled his eyes, not taking his attention from Fort Night. "Don't know what you're talking about, bro."

"Yeah, you do. You don't eat, you don't sleep. You hardly leave your room. And yeah that's normal for you, but this is different. It's worse....You're depressed and I wanna know why."

The brunette sighed and paused the game. "You really don't want to know."

"Yes, I do!"

Dylan knew it would feel good to get everything off his chest. "Okay, but don't freak...Tanner and I have been kinda dating since Hawaii."

Quentin was surprised. "Okay, that's, umm, cool, I guess."

"The thing is, he said he loved me and I freaked out and left him in an IHOP, so we fought about it, just like we fight about everything. Everything is so dramatic. Anyway, we made up, kinda forgot about the love thing, then the night before he left, we, uhh..."

"Go on."

"We, um, you know."

Quentin whispered oh, shit under his breath as Dylan continued.

"I feel stupid for letting it go that far and I've been stupid about this whole thing. I'm a fucking pussy, because now he's gone and I fucking miss him so much. I love him. But now he's gone and happy, moving on with his life...I just love him so much. I don't know what to do."

When he finished his rant, they sat in silence and he realized what he said. He didn't mean for that to come out. The fact of his words weighed heavily on his chest and he felt even worse.

Besides feeling weirded out, Quentin was shocked. He always knew they had a thing for each other, though he never in a million years would have thought something would actually happen between them, especially not that. He didn't know what to say, where to start.

"Look, you guys are stupid, but obviously you're meant to be. You're, like, the perfect couple. You'll figure it out."

"I wish I could go back in time and undo our first kiss.

☁

Tanner cruised down the highway with the music blasting and wind whipping all around him. He and his friends were racing to the Santa Monica Pier. Bailey sat in the passenger seat, yelling nonsense that couldn't be heard over all the noise. Tanner laughed as he passed Tanner Fox's GTO, zooming into first place.

His best friends: Bailey, Jack, Tanner, and Dylan Hawk. They were some of the coolest people he had ever met. Athletic as hell, rich, and crazy. They were the only reason Cali didn't completely suck.

The five of them met up in the parking lot, then headed towards the arcade and concession booth. They bought popcorn, pizza, cotton candy, and more than enough tokens. Tanner was so caught up in the noise and fun of it all, he didn't even think about the sentiment of the place, until they decided to walk the beach. Somewhere in his subconscious the place felt familiar.

Once he realized why, he stopped dead in his tracks, dropping his pop corn. All the memories rushed through his head and before he knew it, he was hyperventilating and tears poured down his face, blurring his vision. His friends panicked. They had know idea what to do. Tanner clung to himself, kneeling on the wet sand. He couldn't breath and no one knew how to help.

Arms surrounded him and he held on for dear life as sobs choked him. Voices swelled around him, gibberish to his ears. He couldn't talk. He just wanted Dylan! He needed him.

"Tanner, baby, calm down."

Suddenly the beautiful voice was in his ear and he grabbed the phone that was handed to him. It was his saving grace. He listened as Dylan coached him through the attack like he had done a million times. Slowly, it subsided to sniffles and deep breaths.

"There you go, just breathe. You're okay."

He tried not to think about anything at all. "Thank you...for being here for me."

"Of course."

Silence.

He felt like an idiot, exposing his weak side when he was supposed to be happy. Now Dylan would know that he wasn't, no matter how hard he tried to be. He always tried to make it like it all was good between them. Fuck me, Tanner swore to himself. He felt ridiculous.

Tanner wiped his eyes again, sighing. "I'm sorry. I'll let you go now."

With that, he hung up and looked up. Everyone stared like he was a freak. Embarrassment warmed his cheeks. He explained what happened, but not why. He couldn't explain that he fell in love on this beach and how he probably lost the love of his life forever.

"I thought you were dying. You scared us."

"I know, I'm sorry."

He looked out at ocean, reliving the moment that changed everything. He smiled as that feeling came back and the thought of Dylan made him blush. Their hands interwoven...Awkward conversation...Butterflies...That kiss. He wished that happiness they had felt in that moment could have lasted.

"How did you guys know who to call?"

"You were kind of...yelling for Dylan, so yeah."

"

Sorry for ruining the fun."

"Nah, you're good, bro. Now, you up to party?"

They pulled him to his feet, then took off running, whooping and hollering. Tanner laughed and ran with them. He felt okay again. The thought of Dylan and everything slipped to his subconscious where it could only slightly bother him. He moved on.

For the sake of his sanity and the remnants of his friendship with Dylan. He had to.