Insecure (Completed)

13

A/N: So I know y'all mad 😂😭 only question is, are you big mad or little mad? Anyways, relax shawties this is all going according to plan. Y'all don't gotta fight Trey 😂😂😂😭 he ain't know he was interrupting...at first. Patience, I ain't gonna spoil it, but these next few chapters are gonna be worth it. Might update twice today.

Yazmine

My head was spinning. In the past twenty-four hours I had my first fight, and my first friend break up. Then Amari's petty ass had the audacity to kick me out. I would have fought harder to stay, but honestly there was bad energy in that apartment. What's that shit people call it? Feng shui, that shit.

I wanted to cry, but I literally couldn't form the tears. After Devonte got in the shower, I concentrated on folding my clothes. He had a closet, so I hung what I could. The rest, I folded and put in a laundry basket. I didn't want to just put shit in his drawers.

This was so crazy. I was two months into college and I needed to find housing. After I finished organizing, I called my mom.

"Yazmine? Hey, baby. I haven't heard from you in a while. How's everything?"

"I mean...school is good. But Amari and me ain't."

"Well you know how I feel about living with your friends Yazzy, I told you this before y'all left Atlanta. Living with your friends is not always a good idea, the smallest stuff can ruin a relationship if you let it. It will pass, whatever it is."

I shook my head, even though she couldn't see me. "No, Mamma I don't think this is gonna pass. I think we're done."

"What happened?"

I sighed.

"Well I guess you'll tell me when you're ready. Chile, I have to go, but I'm always a phonecall away."

"Okay," I sighed again. "Love you."

"Love you more."

I hung up and studied Devonte's room. We hadn't discussed where I would be sleeping, but I wasn't opposed to the couch. The couch. Where me and Devonte almost fucked just a couple hours ago.

Shit. How was I going to live with him? Knowing what he wanted from me and what I wanted from him. If Trey hadn't walked in, Devonte would have been in my mf guts.

Now, I felt awkward around him. He had acted so nonchalant after the interruption, like I wasn't about to give him all of me.

The bathroom door creaked open. Devonte came out, in a towel, and Lord have mercy. I have seen so many movies where they have the scene where the guy comes out in a towel and let me tell you none of those niggas have nothing on Devonte in a towel.

I've seen his bare chest before, and it was a masterpiece. But all that muscle, with water just dripping through the grooves was temptation.

He caught me looking too. "You can go," he said with that half smile. I bit my lip, not hearing him.

Maybe what I needed was some Devonte.

He went over to his drawers and pulled out some shorts. Yoooo was he going to drop his towel?

"Yazmine, get yo ass in the shower and stop violating me!"

"What! I'm not-you know what!" I had something for his ass. I marched past him, and collected my shower items. Then I stomped into the bathroom, slamming the door.

"Don't be slamming my shit!"

Whatever. I turned on the knobs, testing the water until it was the perfect temperature, scorching. I needed this shower. Showers always relaxed me. And your girl was stressed. I was basically homeless. I was best friendless. And I wanted to fuck a nigga who would probably break my heart.

After my long, much needed shower, I stepped out of the tub and wrapped myself in a fluffy towel. I dried off, and lotioned my body with my Bath & Body works. I put on my sleep set, which was a silk blush colored crop tank, and silk shorts. That's when I realized I ain't have a toothbrush. I started opening cabinets and stumbled across an unopened pack of toothbrushes. I flossed and brushed my teeth.

When I finally came out of the bathroom, Devonte was sitting on his bed in just his shorts, messing with his phone. "You can sleep in my bed and I can sleep on the cou-" he looked up and paused. "Couch," he finished, licking his lips. His eyes tracked my movements as I came towards the bed.

"Okay, I'll take your bed." Feeling bold, I crawled into the bed, right next to him. "You can go, go on, to the couch."

"You stay tryna play with a nigga, Yaz." Phone forgotten, he touched my butt. Then he grabbed it. Then he flipped me over and straddled me. And kissed me. He tasted like cinnamon. "You know I want you, girl."

"Now you do."

"What that supposed to mean?" He pulled back, face confused.

"What I said. You want me now, but what happens after we fuck?" I hadn't meant to say it, but sometimes my insecurities voiced themselves without even consulting with me.

"You really think I just want to fuck? You think that shit of me?" Now he was furious. He got out of the bed, and I knew he was going to leave.

"That's not what I'm saying-"

"Fuck is you saying then? I have never disrespected you once in my life and you say this shit?" He shook his head wildly. "This some bullshit! You literally in my bed, in my crib, and I want you here! Because I fucking care!"

He was almost yelling now.

"And I appreciate it, I do, I just can't be sure that I'll ever be enough for you...I was never enough for anyone." I blinked back the tears. I was done crying.

"Here you go again with that self-sabotage shit. I shouldn't be surprised though. You can't recognize when something's fake, of course yo ass can't see when something's real. I been here. I been in yo corner. How you can't see that shit? How you let everyone play you but shut out someone who doesn't want to? How, Yazmine?" This was probably the most I had heard him speak in my two months of knowing him.

"I'm sorry Devonte. I've been hurt before and I just can't do that shit again. How do I know you won't hurt me? You think the last nigga who hurt me ain't say sweet shit to me and make me smile? In the beginning it was perfect, it's always perfect until it's not. I know I'm not the baddest girl out there but I thought he loved me."

"I ain't him. So don't do that. Don't put this on me. And stop acting like you ugly or sum. You not. Stop comparing yourself to other girls. That's yo damn problem, fucking comparisons. Comparing me to ain't shit ass niggas. Comparing yourself to girls that's most likely photoshopped and shit. You can't go your whole life doing that shit. Grow the fuck up." He walked out of his room, and this time he was the one who slammed a door.

I collapsed into his bed. And even though I swore I wouldn't, I couldn't help it.

I cried.

A/N: Yazzy, Yazzy, Yazzy. Why are you like this girl? 😭😩 Got my mans Tae all worked up. Update soon come.