good heart | r.h

• sixteen •

• trigger warning •

-the end of this chapter contains abuse, please read with caution.

My eyes carefully examine the vegetables in front of me, my grip on the grocery cart tightening as I hear Grayson, yet again, sigh loudly from behind me. He decided to tag along to one of my annual shopping trips for once, said he wanted to help me out, but I could tell he just didn't want to be cooped up in the house today.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. I'll try to be a bit faster." I mumble, simply grabbing a random bell pepper off the stack and stuffing it into the produce bag.

"I'm gonna go look at the clothes, maybe find some button-ups for work." He decides after a moment, shoving his phone into his back pocket as I turn to him.

"Alright, I'll meet you there. Eventually." I tell him, giving him a small smile as he places a kiss to my cheeks before making his way out of the produce section.

As I watch his figure get lost behind an aisle, I finally turn back to the vegetables, a sigh brushing past my lips as I push my cart forward. Dan and Carol insisted I take the rest of the week off after my little incident, which was a blessing, for the most part. The only problem with that is the fact that Grayson also insisted on staying home with me as well, just to make sure I was safe in case I had another episode.

Don't get me wrong, I mean, It's been great having him around these past couple days. He's actually helped around the house, did some yard work while I tended to the garden, even made me dinner at one point. Me passing out has revealed a side of him I haven't seen in ages and I'm severely gracious for that. But, at the same time, I'd be lying if I said was actually comfortable with him being around.

His voice was soft and gentle for once, but I've been waiting to forget to do the dishes, or unload the washer and for him to just snap. His arms wrapped around my waist at night rather than my neck, but all I wanted to was squirm away from his grasp and sleep on the floor. For some reason, I couldn't find it in myself to be alright with his constant mood swings and how easily he could flip his switch from good to not at all. To force a smile onto my lips and keep pushing forward like I've always done. 

I can't find it in myself to love him anymore.

The sound of my phone going off pulled me out of my daydream, causing me to come to an abrupt stop in front of the meats. I shove my cart off to the side before rummaging into my purse, grabbing a number of things before finally finding my phone. Unlocking the screen, a genuine smile curves my lips as I see a message from Ryan pop up in my notifications.

As I continue our conversation we started this morning, I find myself thinking about what he's doing right now. I knew somethings about his work, a little more now that I've seen a few videos his work has produced, even though he didn't want me to. I couldn't think of why, other then the fact of him being embarrassed if I ever told him I did. Seeing him goof around with his friends, a smile never leaving his lips while doing so made me happy, and that's all that matters, right?

"Evelynn!" I hear Grayson call out, causing me to snap my head up at his voice, panic settling in as I quickly lock my phone.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" I ask as he walks up to me, a smile dancing on his lips with three shirts in his hand.

"Nothing, I just wanted to show you these shirts I found." He says, a giddy tone in his voice as he flips through the shirt, commenting on each of them.

"I'm glad you found some, I'm sure they'll look great on you." I comment as he places his shirts into the cart, his eyebrows furrowing slightly as he notices my phone in my hand.