The lost kardashian

Relapse

1 cut, 2 cut, 3 cuts, 4,5.. I sat at the bathroom floor counting the fresh cuts I just made. I got it to 12. It's been one month since Bora bora and let me tell you, this month has not been easy. I haven't realapsed with throwing up, but my eating disorder is worse than ever, my demons are back, and I can't stop cutting myself. I started to cut on my breast, but it wasn't enough so now I cut myself on the thighs. I know that everybody will se my my arms since I can't wear long sleeves every summer, every red carpet, and all that. So I decided to cut myself on my thighs, and it's out of control. 

-Kenza! Can I come in? You have my toothbrush! My mother said while knocking on the door. I quickly cleaned up the blood and opened the door. She just stared at me.

-Have you been crying?

-What? No.

-Yes you have, I have known you your entire life, I can tell when something is wrong. 

No she can't. You know she can't. She's lying. Nobody cares about you.

-Everything is fine mom, it's just hard with Nicole, I said. It was true, Nicole was my best friend. We had a fight a couple weeks ago and we aren't friends anymore. That's also a reason to why I have been feeling so depressed lately , I can't handle when people I love leaves me.

-Honey, I get that it's hard. You wanna talk about it? I really do think it would be good for you. I nodded and we went down to the kitchen.

-So, what happend between you two? My mom asked

-She hooked up with Liam.., I started to cry. My mom stayed silent and just hugged me for a while.

-If they treat you like that, they aren't worth you. I think you should break up with both of them.

-But I love them. I'm heartbroken because the guy I'm in love with just cheated on my, and with my best friend?! That kind of stuff just happens in movies or something, not in real life!

-Focus on your breathing. Follow me, in, out, in, out, my mom showed me how to breat, I didn't even notice that I wasn't before she said it, I'm used to this extreme anxiety. I followed her breathing and instantly felt calmer.

-Thank you, I said and looked down. I was embarrassed that my mom had to see me like that.

-Do you have these anxiety attacks often? She asked worried.

-Well, lately it's been pretty... my demons interrupted.

Don't tell her. You can't trust her. You can trust us, keep this to yourself. Do you want her to think you are crazy?

-Actually no. I mean since I have lost to of the most meaningful persons in my life I have been a little sad but I'm ok.

-You sure? Tell me if something is wrong, I love you. She layed her hand on my thigh and I winced, it hurted so bad.

You deserve to feel this pain. 

-Have you been.. have you ever.. cut.. yourself? She asked. 

-What?! No mom, I would never do that. I just have a bruise on my leg and it hurts, but it's fine. I don't really enjoy when people touch my bruises you know, I said and laughed without even knowing why.

-Okey, she smiled and seemed to like the answer. Little did she know just how right she was..