The lost kardashian

Secrets doesn't stay secret forever

(The last chapter continues here)

-I read your old diary last night, my mom said and looked at me.

-What?! I said, or more correctly, screamed. I was so shocked, how did she know I had a diary? How did she find it? How did she open it? Why did she read it? 

-I know it was wrong, so... I cut her off.

-It was wrong? It was so fucking wrong and I will never forgive you! 

-Let me exp.. I cut her off again.

-How much did you read? All of it? Which diary was it?! I started to panic, what if she knows about everything I went through, and what if the have told everyone else.

-Let me speak, I will explain. I stayed quiet to show her that she better have a great explanation to this.

-Latley I have realized that something has been off with you. You haven't been as happy has before, you have been screaming in your sleep, you have looked tired, you have just been acting different. I asked you and you told me about Nicole and Liam, and I really appreciate that you opened up about it, but I didn't think that that's all. You didn't tell me anything, so I decided to try to find your diary.

-I don have a diary, I said.

-I know that now, but I didn't when I was looking. I found a diary and thought that you were writing in it now. I knew that it was wrong to read it, but I just wanted to know what's wrong. I read the first page and figured out that this was your diary when you were 12. I read some pages and.. and, she started to cry. I just sat there staring at her without any facial expressions. I noticed Kendall took my moms hand and held it.

-Why didn't you tell us? You shouldn't go through something like that alone. I feel so bad because I noticed you were losing weight, but I just didn't think that something like that could happened to our family. And at the hospital, I mean you didn't even have a therapist! You went through it all by yourself, and it's  strong that you did, but you should have told anyone, she said while crying.

 I didn't know what to feel or what to say. She obviously was very upset that she didn't knew about it earlier, but that doesn't mean it was okay to read my diary. It's a great thing that she only knows about my anorexia and not my bulimia, but it would be better if she didn't know about any of it.

-Who knows about this? I asked and stared down at my hands.

-Well, I know, and then the rest of your sisters. 

-When did you tell them?

-Last night.

-Great, that's just amazing. I'm now the crazy kid with a fucked up mind, I said and started to feel the anxiety rise. This is what I have been afraid of for so many years.

-No you're not! Just please, promise me to tell someone if you struggle with food or something else again, okay.

-Okay, I promise, I said but I knew that it would never happend. 

-And Kenza, Kendall said, what did you mean with that you are starving? Are you starving yourself again or.. I cut her off.

-No, I just meant that I'm hungry. They will serve dinner there right?

-Yes, they will, my mom said.

Nobody said something after that, we just sat there in the car in complete silence. It wasn't before we parked I decided to say something.

-I understand that you told my sisters, and I'm not angry at you because of that. But don't read my diary, ok? And also, we can keep this a secret in the family, right? You can tell dad if you want to, I don't care, but I don't want the rest of the world to know, ok?

-Okay, babygirl. I understand that, and I'm sorry, she said and hugged me.

I just hugged her back, I felt bad for her reading my diary. I would have been destroyed if I read any of my sisters diarys and they wrote things like that, so I can't even imagine reading my child's diary. It must have been really hard for her. I decided to really try to be happy at this event to show my family that everything is fine now, it's not but they don't have to know about that.