I'll Stay Me

Chapter Twenty-Two

Luke's POV

I wake up to birds chirping and the sun shining on my face. Hank is still asleep with his arms wrapped around me, our legs intertwined.
I lay there watching Hank peacefully sleeping and think about our future. I wish we could get pregnant, we both want more kids so badly but with Hank's accident, I don't know if it's possible.
I rub Hank's chest as he begins to wake up.
"Good morning, my fiancé." I smile as his eyes flutter open.
"Good morning, my love." He says, pulling me closer to him.
"We should probably get back home, get the kids back from Kell." I tell him. He nods and sits up. As he sits up he grabs his back. I gently place my hand on his lower back to support him.
"Honey are you okay?" I ask.
"No, I need something." He says, shaking his head as he lays back down.
          "Baby, we shouldn't have slept out here on the dock last night. I'm sorry it's my fault your back hurts this morning." I tell Hank, looking out across the lake. 
          "My back hurting this morning isn't your fault." Hank says rubbing my hand.
"Why don't you stay here while I get the horses ready and then I help you up on your horse." I suggest to Hank. Hank nods his head. I get up and walk over where the horses are tied up and untie them. I walk them down to the edge of the lake incase they want water, while I help Hank get up. I help Hank up on his horse and then get on mine. Hank and I ride back to the house, talking about our future. I'm excited to tell everyone but Dad about the engagement, I can't believe how much my life has changed in less than a year.
    "Hold on a second honey, I'll come help you." I tell Hank as we get to the house. I jump off my horse and gently help Hank off his.
     "Baby, I think I'm gonna go lay in a hot bath and see if my back will ease up any." He says, kissing my cheek.
     "Okay, my amazing fiancé." I smile. I watch as he walks slowly toward the house. I turn around and quickly unsaddle, brush, and feed the horses.
    "Mama" I say as I walk in the house.
      "Yes, Luke?" She asks as she turns around. I walk closer to her and hold up my hand to show her my ring. "He proposed?!" She squeals. I nod my head and smile as she runs over and hugs me.
     "Oh my God!! You're engaged?!?!" Kelly squeals excitedly as she joins in the hug. Dad walks in.
     "So he did it?" Dad asks.
"Yeah. It's the best thing thats happened to my life." I say him super excited.
"Where's Chris?" I ask looking around and not seeing him.
"He said he had some stuff to take care of down one of the riding trails. But didn't say what, he should be back soon though." Mama tells me.
"How are the babies?" I ask Kelly.
"There doing fine, I put them down for a nap a little bit ago." She responds. I nod and head up stairs to check on Hank.
"Hank?" I say as I knock on the bathroom door.
"Yeah?" He says. I slowly open the door and walk in and shut it behind me.
"How are you feeling?" I ask.
"Better, now that my future husband is standing in front of me." Hank says. I smile and feel myself blushing a bit.
"How have you been doing since last night?" Hank asks grinning.
"Great, tired but great." I lie. The truth is I haven't been feeling well since the other night.
"Wanna lay with me?" Hank asks, reaching his hand out to me. I nod my head and get undressed then slowly step in the bathtub with Hank. I sit between his legs and lay my head on his chest.
"When do you wanna get married, babe?" I ask, rubbing his thigh.
"Soon." Hank answers as he wraps his arms around me and rests his hands on my stomach.
"Okay honey, I'm gonna get dried off and go feed the babies." I tell him as I kiss his hand softly.
"Help me up?" He asks. I nod my head then get up and help him up, holding his back for support as I do.
"Hank I think we should talk about some stuff." I tell him as I get dressed.
"What is it? Is everything okay?" He asks, wrapping a towel around his waist. I follow him into my room and watch as he lays down on my bed.
I pick up Harper and Shelton then take them over to my bed. I take off my shirt and begin to feed them.
"Hank, honey, when I get my hormones straight, I'm probably going to end up looking a lot more like a female. What should I do?" I tell him.
     "You still wanna be a singer right?" Hank asks me. 
   "Yeah." I tell him.
           "I'm just gonna give you my advice, I want you to make the decision. I know that males can get a higher more feminine voice with the hormone treatment and what if you can't get a convincing voice down, but you could try and see what happens. Another thing to consider is the public's eye. Would they be more willing to accept a gay person or a transgender gay person. Most people won't be willing to read the details and a lot of magazines with spread rumors. That's just part of the job, the question is what do you feel is best for you?" Hank tells me.
          "I don't know, this is just so overwhelming to think about. On one hand I could just go be a female, but on another I just wanna get my hormones straightened out enough to have normal pregnancies." I tell him, about to cry but I keep it together since I'm holding the babies.
       "What ever you decide to do ever in life I'm gonna be by your side and support you through what ever you choose." Hank says kissing my cheek.
"Thank you, Hank. That means the world to me." I tell him. I get up and lay the babies in their cribs.
"Do you think we could go up to Montana tomorrow or the next day? I need to see my doctor." He asks.
"Of course, honey." I tell him as I run my fingers through his hair.
"I'll get Mama to watch the babies." I tell him.
"I think I want to get my pilots license. It would make things a lot easier when I go back on tour..." He says, his voice hopeful toward the end.
"That sounds like a great idea, baby. You're so smart, you'll be great." I tell him as I lay down beside him. He caresses my face then softly kisses my lips.
"What do you wanna wear for the wedding? And what do you want me to wear?"
"I don't know about me but I want you in blue jeans and a button up shirt." I smile.
"Really?" He smiles.
     "If you're okay with that, yeah." I tell him. 
         "It sounds perfect to me." He says, kissing the top of my head. I snuggle a bit closer to gHank and try to take nap. But end up think about everything going on while Hank is sound asleep. I wanna have a simple wedding out on a beautiful farm some where. But I think Hank and I should wait a few more weeks at least to see if he can get his back healed up. The one thing that's keeping me awake is whether or not I should tell Hank about the stuff in my past that I've never told anyone about. I'm soon pulled out of my thoughts when I hear yelling down stairs. It sounds like Chris and Dad arguing about something, I just can't figure out what. I think about going down stairs but that would just cause more drama. Finally, I fall asleep in Hank's arms.

     "Luke, babe I found a flight out to Montana. It leaves in two hours." Hank says, waking me up.
      "That's not enough time." I tell him.
      "Come on babe, please." He pleads.
      "Fine. I'll pack, you go talk Mama into keeping the kids." I instruct him. He nods and get up slowly, walking out the door and downstairs. I'm really worried about his back. I begin to throw everything we will need and more in a suitcase. As I go to grab another pair of Hank's jeans something falls out of the drawer.
     "Hey, she said she could do it." He says as he walks back in.
      "The fuck is this?" I ask, holding up the small bag of what appears to be marijuana.                          "Luke, babe it's not what you think. I can explain." Hank says.                                                                               "Well, then what the fuck is it?"  I ask Hank trying not to yell.                                                                       "Chris gave it to me because he knew I was in pain and just wanted me to feel my best to propose to you. Chris said he got it from a friend." Hank tells me sitting on the bed.
"Hank, I better not find any more drugs after this. I can make an exception because last night was amazing, but I won't tolerate anything after this." I tell him.
"Luke, thank you so much for understanding." Hank says.
    "Next time I'm gonna break up with you, so watch it because thats the last thing I wanna do." I tell Hank, finishing up packing.
"Hun, can we talk about this?" He asks.
"I'd rather not." I tell him, zipping up the suitcase.
"Luke, it actually works, it put me out of pain for a while and it's not addictive like my pain medications." He explains. I shake my head.
"I don't want you doing drugs, it's dangerous." I tell him.
"Honey, it's not dangerous. You can't overdose on marijuana, I promise it's fine." He assures me.
"I'll think about it, Hank." I give in.
"Thank you, Baby." He says, hugging my waist.
"We should probably get going." I tell him, walking away from him. I walk downstairs with the suitcase.
"Good luck, I hope Hank's doctor gets his back straightened out." Mama says as she hugs me. "Be careful, baby."
"I will Mom." I tell her and hug her back then walk out the door. I soon hear Hank walking out the door. I get in Chris's truck and wait for Hank. Chris said he didn't need it for a few days so he said we could take it. Once Hank is in, I start the truck and drive to the airport. The ride to the airport is silent. There are so many thoughts running through my mind, good and bad. Some I can't possibly tell Hank, just yet anyway. I just don't understand why he wants to do drugs, it's only gonna make it that much harder for me to get pregnant. A small voice in the back of my head is telling me he isn't the one, but my whole heart says different. My mind just isn't in the right place right now, I'm having thoughts and doubts that I promised myself I wouldn't have again. I try to get my mind off all the negativity by turning the radio on, to help clear my head. It take about fifteen minutes to get to the airport, we should have enough time once we get there to get through security and everything like that before the plane leaves.
Once we get inside the airport, Hank and I go through security pretty quickly.
"Luke, please don't think any less of me." Hank says, breaking the silence.
"Hank, I just see you so differently now." I admit.
"What can I do to help? I don't want to lose you over this. Luke, I'll never do it again." He says.
"I don't know. I love you though babe. I don't want anything to come between us." I tell him as I take his hand in mine. He leans down and kisses me softly before we board the plane. We walk to our seats, hand in hand.
"Honey..." I say as I notice Hank is crying after we sit down.
"I'm sorry" He whimpers.
"Baby, it's fine we all make mistakes, I just think we should talk about more once your better and my hormones are better." I tell him not wanting to talk about this the whole plane ride.
"Luke, I shouldn't have gone behind your back about it." Hank tells me grabbing my hand.
"Hank, honestly it's fine. You need to worry about getting better. I'm not planning on staying up here more then four days because the babies are gonna need more milk." I tell him, rubbing his thigh.
"Okay. Well I'm gonna try and get some rest then." Hank says, before leaning his head on my shoulder. I decide to get some rest as well, soon Hank and I are both asleep.