I'll Stay Me

Chapter Twenty-Five

Luke's POV

We get back to the hotel and Hank lays down. I decide to take a shower.
      "Baby, wanna shower with me?" I ask Hank.
     "No, I think I'm gonna try to get some sleep." He replies.
"Okay." I tell him going into the bathroom. I turn the water on to let it warm up. I get undressed and just stand in the bathroom going back and forth in my mind about what I should do. I decide to do it. I grab my pocket knife from my jeans, and open it. I hold it just above my wrist. I try to tell myself not to do it, but my brain takes over. I cut my wrist three times before putting my knife away and getting in the shower.
As I stand under the water, I watch the blood run down my wrist. I close my eyes and just let the hot water run over my body.
"Luke, hun you okay?" Hank asks, knocking on the bathroom door.
"Yeah." I reply. I realize it's been a while so I actually shower then get out. After I dry off, I walk out of the bathroom and see Hank sitting up against the headboard of the bed. I walk over to him and sit beside him.
"Luke." He says, taking my hand. "Your wrist..."
"Don't." I simply say, pulling my hand away from him. 
       "Baby, what's bothering you?" He asks me.
       "I'm not talking about it right now." I tell him. I get up and get dressed, then head down and get a late lunch. I don't tell Hank where I'm going, I just walk out the door.

Hank's POV

After Luke leaves the room I get really worried about him. I don't decide to go after him, instead I call his mom.
        "Hey, Mama." I say as LeClaire picks up the phone.
        "Hello?" She asks.
        "I gotta tell you something and I'm just gonna tell you straight out. Luke has started cutting again." I tell her.
"Shit, bring him back home." She tells me. "Hank, this isn't your fault." She says as she notices I'm crying.
"He's unhappy. I'm supposed to make sure he's happy." I tell her, breaking down.
"Honey, this is not your fault. Breathe, Hank. You make him happy." She tells me. "Are you okay?"
"Luke's all that matters right now. I don't matter, please focus on him." I tell her, wiping the tears off my face.
"You need to keep yourself healthy too." She tells me.
"I gotta go, he's back." I tell her as I hear the door unlock.
"Tell me you're not crying over this." He says, sitting on the edge of the bed.
         "I just don't want you to be harming yourself. It hurts me to see you like this." I tell him, trying not to cry anymore.
          "I know, sometimes things will get stressful and I just go back to cutting."Luke says, grabbing my hand.
          "We need to leave tonight or tomorrow morning." I tell him.
          "Okay, I'll go book the flight."  He says, getting up and walking back out the room. I get up and pack all of our stuff into our suitcases. Once I'm finished I lay back down and wait for Luke to come back in.
      "We have a flight at 2 am." Luke says as he enters the room. I nod my head and close my eyes. "Hank, honey I'm sorry."
     "Come here." I tell him, pulling him over to me.
      "I love you." He says. He rubs my thigh softly and lays on my chest. "How's your back?"
"It hurts more than before." I tell him, closing my eyes.
"You packed everything?" He asks. I nod.
"Wanna go out to dinner tonight?" I ask.
"I'd love that, baby." He smiles.
I take his hand and rub my thumb over the top of his hand.
"I'm gonna take a nap and try to rest so I'll be okay for tonight." I tell him.
"Of course, baby. I'm gonna go get your prescription filled." He tells me, kissing my head. Luke grabs the prescription and puts it in his wallet, before slipping his boots on and walking out. I get up and close the curtains, and then get back into the bed and go to sleep.

I wake up holding Luke in my arms, he is fast asleep cuddled into my chest. I slowly get out of bed, trying not to wake up my beautiful fiancé. Once I'm out of bed I look at the clock and see that it's around 9pm. I quietly make sure everything is pack before slipping my boots on and calling a cab to take us to the airport.
     "Baby, we gotta go." I say shaking Luke awake.
      "I don't wanna get up." Luke mumbles, half asleep.
      "We gotta leave, the cab will be here soon." I tell him.
"Can you just carry me?" He asks, finally opening his eyes. I give him a soft smile.
"Baby, I can't. I would if I could." I tell him, gently rubbing his back. After a few minutes he finally gets up. We grab our bags then head outside to wait for the cab to get here.
"How's your back, babe?" Luke asks as we ride to the airport, his head on my shoulder.
"Doesn't matter. You're my number one priority and I'm gonna make sure you're okay and happy." I tell him, laying my head over on his.
     "Hank, you do matter. This morning was nothing." He says. I shake my head.
      "It was something, you fucking hurt yourself." I tell him, getting aggravated.
"It seriously was nothing. Especially compared to what I used to do. It's just every now and then I get the urge to start cutting again, so I will just do a couple small ones, here and there." Luke tells me.
"What do you mean here and there?" I ask him.
"Whenever there is too much stress for me to handle, so maybe once every few months." He tells me. At this point there is steam coming out my ears.
"How many times a day did you cut yourself before?" I ask him.
"It depended on the day, some days once, other days maybe fifteen." He says.
"How did you stop cutting before?" I ask, trying to calm down.
"I went to therapy, and they just told me a list of things to do instead of cutting." He says.
"Well, I'm gonna find you a better therapist. I don't want our kids to grow up and see the marks on your arms." I say, grabbing his hand.
        "I don't want our kids growing up around drugs either, Hank." He says.
        "You have no right to bring that up Luke! We're past that." I tell him, raising my voice slightly.
        "Um sir, we're here." The cab driver says.
        "I'm sorry you had to hear that." I say as Luke gets out. I try to slide out after him but get a sharp pain in my back. "Fuck."
        "My God, come here." Luke says, helping me out. I sit on the sidewalk and breathe deeply.
        "Luke, I don't want to fight with you. Please just stop cutting, it hurts me to know you do." I tell him, holding my back.
         "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. Are you okay?" He apologizes.
        "I don't know, it hurts really badly babe." I tell him. He puts his hand on my lower back and hugs me.
"Do you think you can make it to the plane?" He asks. I nod. I groan as he helps me up. We slowly make our way into the airport and through security. We have about an half hour before we can board the plane. Luke and I decide to sit down by a window next to the gate. Luke and I watch the planes that are landing and taking off, until our plane is ready to be boarded. When the gate opens Luke gets up and then helps me up, and we board the plane. There are only about thirty or so people on board the plane, when we take off. Not too long after we take off, Luke falls asleep. We should be landing around 9 am, and then it's about a 2 hour drive from the airport in Atlanta to Leesburg. So we if everything goes as planned we should be getting to Luke's parents house at around 12pm. After about an hour I begin to fall asleep, leaning my head on Luke's shoulder.