It Ain't Just Fame || BTS #BangtanAwards2018 #Wattys2018

RM

SOMETIME BEFORE DEBUT

ARMY POPULATION: 0

"2! 3! Bangtan! Hello! We are BTS!" I almost didn't straighten up from our introductory bow. I couldn't handle it anymore. The dull wood paneling of our makeshift stage was a more appealing sight than those faces below. Eyes that would look us up and down with every kind of judgement possible, lips pinched tight in a meagre attempt to not laugh, snide comments everywhere. Faces whose owners were bored reporters and even some producer nims, who, quite possibly, had come over just to make sure that we knew our place here....we were nobodies, at the bottom of the entertainment food chain.

I knew all this owing to my previous promotional press conferences, each time with a different set of "aspiring idols", boys like me who wanted to make it in the kpop world. This was one of the many things we do before debut, to gain as much public support as possible. For small companies like ours, however, it was just a platform for the press to degrade more than help us. And, well, none of the groups I've been in had made it to debut. Many left 'cause they couldn't handle the pressure, some decided to go as individual artists. I was the only one brave enough ( or stupid enough ) to stay. Sitting next to me now was yet another group, 6 this time, fresh out of training.

I decided not to pay attention to the questions which were mainly for our pd nims, tossed half-heartedly by reporters who looked like they'd rather spend the day editing articles in their cubicles than interviewing yet another wannabe idol group which they knew wouldn't last for long, while the rest seemed to have a field day snickering to each other about our hair and heavy eye makeup. Instead I looked at our maknae, Jungkook.
I let out a small smile as I watched the determined look on his small bunny face. It was almost cute. The kid was talented. He could dance, sing, rap and was a star athlete. And he was JUST 15! A valuable asset....Scouted by all major companies but the kid still chose tiny BIGHIT, nicknamed 'The Nobody Company'. Oh wait, that was because he liked my rap and thought I would lead him to a successful career. The smile vanished from my face.

Did I just ruin his life?

"Hyung, I think we should get down now", whispered Jimin on my other side.
I stopped my melancholy thinking and noticed our manager noona motioning for us to get down. That was it. Our first exposure to the public. They'd hardly asked us any questions. I guess they just wanted to get this over with as quickly as possible. All I had to do now was protect the boys from reading all the sardonic comments about us on media.

I was glad to be outta there and in the warm privacy of our company van.

"Well, that was exhausting!" remarked Jin hyung, rummaging in the glove compartment for those leftover packet of chips, no doubt. No one replied for a long time.
And then Taehyung in a soft voice " It was our outfits wasn't it?" looking down at his all-black gangster clothes. "But that's our concept! Hip-hop rebels."
A loud snort emanated from the back of the van. "Well, look who finally got what was happening!" That was Yoongi hyung from his permanent lying down position. "Aniyo. It was the name. Who names their group "Bulletproof Boy Scouts? Hell, they didn't even try to conceal their contempt. And you call me straightforward."

"Hyung, please stop...", said a tired Jungkook .
We all had a soft spot for him, especially Yoongi hyung, which was why he shut up with a grunt. "Pd nim warned us this would happen. The beginning is always the toughest. Even Bigbang sunbaenims were treated harshly before debut. But look at them now! It will get better. Right, hyung?" He looked at me with his puppy eyes. Oh boy, why did they make me leader? I sucked at this leader thing.

How could I tell him? That it was next to impossible. That only 5 in 100 actually make it to debut. That only 1 in 100 even survive for a year. That so so so many young boys and girls had taken their lives just because they were told they weren't good enough. And those were the big companies. For us guys, booking a small concert hall would be a miracle.

Everyone was staring at me now, waiting for their leader's pep talk. But I couldn't speak. My mouth was sewn shut. Finally Hoseok hyung shifted in his seat, "It'll be fine guys. Let's grab some food now, shall we?" And that was that. I looked out the window at the bustling Seoul traffic and pretended not to notice Jungkook's shoulders droop.

KOREAN TERMS: 

Hyung – used by boys to address older boys (sign of respect)

Noona – used by boys to address older girls (sign of respect)

Pd nim – short for producer

'Company' – A training and promotional institution for young people who wish to become musicians or actors.

BigBang – one of the most successful groups in kpop history

Sunbaenims – a term of respect used by younger artists to address senior artists in a particular industry.

Aniyo - No

Hoseok- J Hope

Yoongi – Suga

Namjoon ( Joonie) – RM

Taehyung – V

Maknae – youngest in a particular group

Hey there ARMY!!
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Author : DiviMorais