7/14/17
I know about hurt,
And I know about pain.
I know about demons,
And I know all their names.
I'm not talking about life,
But I'm talking about death.
Death of the soul,
Not the stopping of breath.
They tell me to smile,
They ask me what's wrong.
I count the floor tiles,
And I tell them I'm fine.
They won't understand,
How could they even pretend to fathom.
They destroy who I was then,
And everything that used to matter.
I've recreated my being,
I've rolled with the punches.
Adjusted to what I was seeing,
And I waited for them to see
Exactly what they were doing to me.
"I've fallen down,
Can't get back up.
But I'll drown it down,
With each coffee cup."
I've never liked myself,
And I've made it worse.
Typing, writing out,
My thoughts in every verse.
I used to cry it out,
Every night in bed.
Once or twice I asked God,
"Please let me die tonight.
No one would know,
No one would care.
They've all been talking
To empty air.
They don't know it,
But you know I do.
The person they think I am,
It's not true!"
One night I realised,
With a smile on my face.
That here, today,
Is my time, is my place.
I'm not saying I'm perfect,
Like everyone thinks.
I just know I'm perfect,
In ways of my own.
But still I have the urge to cry and be alone.
So what if I'm not okay,
No one truly is.
I'm just a little less okay,
After years of this.
All wounds they say,
Will heal with time.
Would you take my hand,
And help me heal mine?
I know I'm not perfect.
Hell, I think I'm awful.
I think I'm selfish,
Twisted,
Broken,
And caged.
It's all self inflicted,
Full of self-hate.
No one can help me,
Though I wouldn't know,
Only two have tried.
Both failed,
But they don't know it,
I got better at lies.
I'm only here,
Because I would never be able
To tell them goodbye
**********
If I ever took my life, this would be my suicide note, tbh.
-Raene-
