70's Porno Music

Roper

June 1, 1973

I first lit a cigarette. Then I plugged in the phone. It's been a few days since my lunch with Mamma and her boyfriend. It's been a few days since I plugged the phone back in.

I waited for her to call. Beverly...

I've smoked through three packs since the three conductors met the wall. I've taken 7 showers. I've ate six grilled cheeses. I've called Richard twice and got cussed out once.

The first time the phone rang, I tripped over my coffee table. I stubbed my toe for nothing because it was only a manager of a band I was working with. We exchanged a few short sentences and said our goodbyes.

I hate that I have to leave today and sit in a studio session. Because what if Bev calls? I'll miss it and she won't call again.

I need to get our house. That will be good for me. Obsessing over a phone call can't be healthy, especially when I'm not in the wrong.

I miss her. I miss her. I miss her.

Mamma does too.

There was this one time before things got terrible and Bev seemingly vanished that all three of us spent time together. I never thought that I would introduce a lady to my mother. I never thought I would have felt like I needed to. I tried to fight it for so long. That I wasn't wrapped around Bev's perfectly manicured finger...

I can't help but smile when I think about that day. It was gloomy and Bev and I took the subway. We had to stop by Mal's Liquor store for change that we eventually stuffed in my pockets.

We gained looks for sure. I knew Beverly was a stunner but I wasn't blind to the fact that we were opposites. But Bev stuffed her cold hands in my back pockets that day as we waited for the train.

I layered kisses all over her face as we waited for the train.

Bev laughed and grinned and whispered how cute I am all the same time as we waited for the train.

I rubbed my hands on her shoulders and said Thank you, beautiful only a million times.

That day was one of many greats and terrible. We ate chicken soup we picked up at the deli. Mamma let Bev do her makeup. We laughed. We drank. We told stories.

I am so grateful for that memory, for that day. Mamma brings it up too sometimes.

Remember when Beverly told us the story about her first stuffed animal. That silly girl brought it everywhere. That's so god darn sweet.

Remember when Beverly sang that song by um, Buddy Holly.. Sweetie didn't you write that one? It goes..

Gosh, Beverly taught me that trick. My lipstick stays on all day now.

I haven't told Mamma about what I discovered. That this relationship that had never been defined with words but only actions may have not been taken as seriously by her favorite lipstick girl.

That maybe, just maybe, the time that I choose to feel for someone that I have known for a small portion of my life may have never felt anything at all.

Beverly is sad and complicated and may have proven she can get sex somewhere other than me. Beverly is confusing and she's frustrating and I still want to keep the phone plugged in.

I have to know why maybe I wasn't enough for if I'm just jumping to quick to assumptions or maybe I really need to know why she's cries on March 17th.

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I rarely write author's notes :/ but I entered this stories in  #Wattys2018 ! I'm really excited to be apart of it this year! Aah also I'm thinking about revealing a little bit my about myself as I pump more chapters out this summer so expect a Q & A chapter in the next couple of months!!! Thank you ALL so much for your support! This story began as a very loose idea that I wanted to publish and now it's gained over 1,000 reads which is INSANE and I would have never imagined. I'm soooo grateful