guilty of devotion - [dnp au]

11.:. about you // san cisco

TW:: mentions bullying, vomiting, being drunk

comment the fuck out of this one x

xxx

december 4th

A narcissist. A relentless narcissist.

It's a term first brought up by my secondary school bully Blake Loveman, a guy whose character funnily enough doesn't add up to his last name – in the wake of a certain incident, he ensured I'd skip classes to avoid any interaction with his incomprehensibly mean self.

Blake addressed my egocentricity shortly after our literature teacher assigned the two us to direct a short film together, back at the beginning of Year 7, when we still judged each other by the first impressions. In this case, I assumed Chris' step brother is a sweetheart and that Blake and I'd become friends, like it happened so naturally with the other boy.

Yet the soft-looking redhead who constantly had a purple plushy tied to his backpack was quick to dislike me. Whenever I went over to the house the two step brothers shared with Chris' and Blake's mums to work on the video script, I undeniably paid more attention to my future best friend and much less to the project I was supposed to do with The Evil One.

It happened during my very first sleepover at the Loveman's residence, when Chris and I sneaked onto the blue painted house's roof to discover who would be the first to count the entirety of stars in the sky. Our competition was disturbed by a furious Blake hanging out of his bedroom's window, voicing the unforgettable

- While you two lovebirds are out there doing god knows what, I created the main character of our film, who's just like you, D, and I quote a relentless narcissist. You, Daniel, only care about your own good.

Judging by the tone in his voice, I knew I had fucked up and should get back to Blake instantly. However, my stupid 11 year old ass didn't take the big words seriously and even decided to sleep in Chris' room, completely neglecting the person who sent the invitation to stay over.

I never figured that night would affect me and Blake's future so intensely. The slurs coming out of his mouth whenever I dared to open mine, the aching closed door [behind which Chris' sibling probably proceeded to think of new methods to make my life more miserable] whenever I hung out at their lovely house, the demonstrated hate that echoed and reached every other Forest School's student. It seemed to have come out of such an unimportant incident - exactly like the one Jack and I happened to have during the night our circle of friends gathered for a party.

Besides the needless arguments and the unpleasant atmosphere sensible in the balmy air surrounding the nine of us, the night's perfect.

We haven't vacated the hours-ago-lit bonfire by the Lough Owel, despite of most of us preferring to pass out on the sleeping bags Jack, Phil and I outspread in various places around the second floor of Jack's family's house before our gathering. Meaning, we're freezing to death, still.

No matter how hard I attempt to get into the sounds of Foo Fighters playing from Robert's Bluetooth speaker, I'm having a hard time ignoring Dodie's 'oh dear's followed by the numerous gags coming out of Phil's throat as he pukes onto a bush by the water.

To a certain degree, it makes me sick as well. I've drunk enough.

- Look at me. – Jack demands, punching my shoulder. I do as he says, just to get attacked by another wave of slurs from the green haired guy.

- Do you ever even consider someone other than yourself, Dan? Every word that comes out of your mouth is narcissistic and inconsiderate, so are your manners. Pull yourself the fuck together before acting out again. Stop. Hurting. Phil. – he says angrily yet moves his feet to the beat of Run.