Thoughts of a Doubting Christian ✓

My Story, Part One

I want to be clear from the beginning that my views and opinions are not representative of the rest of the Christian population. I realize that many Christians do not agree with my views, and that's okay. I'm a very unorthodox Christian (and honestly, with how much I've been doubting and questioning lately, I don't know how much longer I will be able to classify myself as "Christian").

I am also a flawed human being, and I am fully aware that I could be wrong about anything and everything. I hesitated for a long time to write this book, especially since my first book got much more dissent from fellow Christians than it did support. However, I don't want that to stop me. I want people to understand that the Christian population is not a uniform group that all acts and thinks exactly the same way, but a diverse group of people, beliefs, and life circumstances, each of whom deserve to be heard.

I've always believed in God, but I have never felt welcome in the US-Christian community. The first and most obvious problem is that I stick out like a sore thumb. I'm not even close to being what they would consider a "good Christian girl." I'm queer, liberal, a proud feminist, and an ambitious, driven woman who doesn't take anyone's shit. (I also swear . . . whoopsie.) I don't listen to Christian music or read wholesome Christian books in my free time. Most of my friends are not Christian, and I don't talk to them about Jesus unless they ask me questions. Their beliefs are theirs, while mine are mine; there's no reason for me to preach to them if they don't want to hear it, and they clearly aren't interested.

Nor do I fulfill the traditional requirements of a "good wife," which is a pervasive ideology in US-Christian culture. I don't like housework or children; I have plans to get a PhD, followed by a full-time career; I don't even know what gender my eventual life partner will be. Whatever stereotypes are out there about Christian women, I defy them. It is extremely difficult for me to find a community that accepts me for who I am without trying to change me to become "more" Christian or a "better" Christian. They see my differences as a threat, instead of a God-given uniqueness that they should embrace.

On top of everything, I ask more questions about Christian traditions, doctrines, and beliefs than most Christians are comfortable with. My questions are about as heretical as you can get:

What's up with original sin? Why would God punish all of humanity for one instance of disobedience? Does "original sin" imply that children are sinful, too? Where did this sin even come from in the first place, if God is good and cannot do anything evil? Why does Judaism reject original sin, even though this doctrine supposedly comes from the Old Testament?

What is the Holy Trinity? Is it a biblical belief, or did it come later from outside sources? What the heck is the Holy Spirit? How can God be One but also Three Separate Persons? Isn't Christianity supposed to be monotheistic?

Was Jesus actually divine? Did Jesus ever claim to be God? Did his disciples think he was God, or was his divinity assumed after the fact? And am I the only one who doesn't buy the whole 'virgin birth' routine?

Is Christianity the only way to heaven? Are any of the current religions the way to heaven? Does God have a religion? Does God care about us at all?

I don't claim to have the answers to these questions; I wouldn't ask them if I knew the answers! However, I think that these are questions that all Christians should ask themselves, for if our status in the afterlife depends on us making the right decision, we can't afford to blindly defend our faith without allowing it to be questioned and possibly proven wrong. With every day that passes, I feel more and more certain that I won't identify as Christian in the future, but whatever happens, my faith still rests in the existence of a Creator (although some days, I question even that belief of mine). This book is my attempt at piecing my thoughts together, in the hopes that others will gain some usefulness out of it.